Monday, August 3, 2015

Monday's Child Is Full Of Slug-slurped Frog

    Okay, so I found a frog once — a whole, dried, real dead frog.

    And I hung it on the wall, because, hey, it was so perfectly preserved that it looked almost alive.

    Looked — but wasn’t.

    Maybe this was unethical and in bad taste, but in my defence, I really like frogs, and it’s not like I took a bazooka to a lion like that chump who made every social media outlet recently for being a chump who paid to blast the fuck out of a lion.

    I mention this because yesterday I came across another whole, dried, real dead frog.

    Only this time, not all of it was fully dried.

    Its touch-soft head pulsed like it was still alive, turning final moment agonies round in its tiny, soon-to-fall-silent brain, and I wondered whether it would twitch a foot or mouth one last feeble ribit.

    But the soft stuff turned out to be maggots, and I dropped the whole hang it on the wall plan (along with the actual frog).

    Today, I found the frog where I left it in the yard, its maggoty skull now licked by the undersides of moneyshot-mucussed slugs.

    When Shaun Ryder called his band HAPPY MONDAYS, I guess this was the kind of life he envisaged for all of us.

    So, Step On, people...


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