Monday, July 6, 2015
Re-Bending The Frankfurter
They say a change is as good as a rest — but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
So here I am, back on Blogger after nearly three months away on WordPress, settling into the old place again like a pendulum swinging itself back to stillness, an acrobat flipping himself into the upright after a succession of somersaults, a pizza solidifying in the fridge after filming on Mozzarella Titzenbelles IV got pulled for the day when Andy “The Teen Marrow” Tumesci twisted a testicle during the giraffe-skin boudoir scene.
It had allure, WordPress.
But it was not to be.
Most of the front ends I tested were less easy on the eye than Andy Tumesci’s strained expression in the moments following his encounter with the hilt of Daisy Cheesecake’s cutlass.
Ugly, boring, inattentive to any and all formatting instructions — and generally pleurgh.
(I offered this as a strapline to the guys at WordPress in exchange for something fancy, but they told me to fuck off and shoot myself in the head.)
Under the hood, WordPress is impossibler to use than the suction pipe on a Bosch handheld flea de-zitter.
From fancy menus capable of reducing Gordon Ramsay to tears, to disappearing tags and stats no genius savant could penetrate, WordPress rules the roost when it comes to sub-prepucular techcheese of a stinkily unpalatable nature.
(And, yes, the WordPress guys rejected that one also — but Apple have subsequently expressed an interest.)
It’s business as usual (insofar as usuality has any place anywhere on any of today’s popular internet channels).
I’ll leave AbyssWinksBack II up for a while to serve as cyberflotsam and cyberjetsam, and, busy bunny that I am right now, I’ll poach a few posts to reproduce here so I don’t have to write anything new every Monday and Thursday.
It will be like nothing had happened, nothing had changed.
As currencies plummet, radicalism rises, and Kim Kardashian’s monstrous gluteal array levels everything in sight, any change as good as a rest that turns out to be no change at all has to be a good thing...