Thursday, September 18, 2014
Everyone loves the 7th Cavalry.
When all seems lost (and the world is dangerously de-hossed) those boys come a-ridin’ over the hill atop their trusty equines, blasting on bugles and chomping on burgers like there was no tomorrow...
...to rival the one coming up real soon.
Whatever your endeavour or circumstance, your life is always so much better after the 7th Cavalry has had its way with your back.
If you’re a writer, you may even feel zeal.
Problem is, those boys and their horses are so often needed elsewhere, and most of them have to catch some shut eye from time to time. Plus, Stephen King shells out millions to have them patrol his writing tomb on a daily basis.
So don’t come to depend too much on any kind of unrestrained bugling when you’re stuck on the constipated opening paragraph of your latest fancy. Or even syllable 16 of a stinky haiku.
Expect instead to catch occasional echoes of septumpteen Yee-haaars as these cavalryeers maraud and inspire in writing canyons yonder.
These wails will sustain you as you struggle to write gibberish into the night, or plough on to meet deadlines, fuelled only by caffeine and delusions involving purely fictional magical factotums such as leprechauns, sphynxes and (if you’re lucky lucky luckier than even Kylie ever imagined) unicorns.
If all you hear is silence, take heart; rest easy in the knowledge that someone, somewhere (Stephen King) is reaping the full reward of the world’s most magnificent mounted salvation-dispensing bunch of uniformed hunks.
And should a real live arrow-strafed ass of a quadruped hurl its bloodied body onto your writing desk as you strain and sweat over a synopsis, remember that the saddle-bustin’ stalwarts of the 7th Cavalry need to hone their effortless riding skills on some kind of beast and occasionally their heroic exploits lead them to fall foul of the injuns.
If this happens, be emboldened as a pluck-mustered foot in a stirrup flailing from a bronco.
The 7th Cavalry exists to inspire.
So don’t overlook their Geronimules.