Thursday, May 1, 2014

Save The Internet

    Now that the record has been set straight regarding LOLcats, it’s time to get started on Wuzza Wuzza Gerbils.

    Dealing more damage to the internet at large than the original 10 Killer Facts About My Genitalia meme, Wuzza Wuzza Gerbils are now thought to constitute the biggest threat to personal online data than the possibility of swallowing fake quicksand was for every Hollywood Tarzan from Buster Crabbe to the forthcoming Ricky Gervais.

    Hang on — what gerbils are these?

    I’ve never witnessed any rodents, Wuzza Wuzza or otherwise, marauding around my own private corner of cyberspace.

    Indeed — and that is why they’re so uncannilly dangerous.

    If you’re aware of the Heartbleed bug, you'll know that the World Wide Web has been placed under threat by its own malfunctioning architecture.  Under normal circumstances the chief culprits responsible for interwebbular shenanigans are viruses, hackers and pornographic pop-ups, but since the Heartbleed bug hit the scene, zillions of worm holes have opened up around the globe through which evil cybergerbils now leap.

    Essentially each ‘gerbil’ is a segment of rogue computer code.  Internet security experts have coined the phrase Wuzza Wuzza to indicate the subtle ways these gerbils have of concealing themselves.  It is believed that once all of them have been released into the World Wide Web wild, they will begin grouping together until they form a Supergerbil of malicious code, whereupon the future of mankind will become officially “pre-toast”.

    Thankfully, help is at hand.

    Three safe links exist on the internet.  Click on any of these and not only are you guaranteed access to a Wuzza-free site but the mere act of clicking will exterminate Gerbils in large numbers, kind of like the way not believing in Christmas is rumoured to precipitate the deaths of thousands of reindeer.  Or angels.

    The point is that one such link exists here on this very site!

    And here it is:

    You don’t have to purchase my story after you’ve followed the link, nor even submit rapturous praise to the Amazon Kindle Store review section, nor (and this is the clincher) post me flowers or chocolate — but if you value your planet, it’s your duty to click on the link.

    When you’re done with that, then do by all means click on the other two links below.


    Safe Link #2

    Safe Link #3

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