Monday, March 10, 2014
Back in the good old days, people washed with SOAP.
Now we have GEL, WASH, BALM — and if we’re lucky, maybe JUS.
Right now, my showering preference is for GEL. It’s smoother than a soap but not as liquified as an OIL or a CREME, and there are usually plenty of decent options to choose from in Wazzda.
But do we really need such a beguiling range of options? For scented semen-alike we spread over our skin?
I mention this because in addition to the variety of available brands and scents and colours, shower gel also comes in gender-specific forms. Some is FOR WOMEN, the rest is FOR MEN — which can only mean that some ad agency’s portfolio is about to split at the seams from an ejaculatory promo of frothing FOR HERMAPHRODYTES.
But what’s the difference between a girl gel and a boy gel? Actually?
And what am I to do with my latest purchase from Wazzda?
I just got into the shower and removed the cap on my Dolphin Musk FOR MEN only to be struck by the notion that I was about to misuse its azure latherness.
The label clearly says FOR MEN — yet as I ran my eyes round the crisply tiled walls of my shower cubicle, I felt certain I was the only man present (unless a curious dwarven assassin lay coiled like a spring in the airing cupboard).
The label does not say FOR MAN. So will I break my Dolphin Musk if I use it alone? Or will its oceanic gloopiness somehow break me?
Nether The Samaritans, the Citizens’ Advice Bureau nor Goog-gel could help with this conundrum, so I’m holding fire on the whole washing thing until I’ve got my facts in order.
Or sourced some other MEN.
Maybe that’s how it works.