Monday, February 17, 2014

Sign Up For VACUOUS SHITBOX Now


    I may just have jumped atop the Wangoprattic Donkey by signing up for Tumblr.

    What is this site?

    On first analysis it looks like a killer opportunity to develop a crippling obsession for regurgitating other people’s innards.  Kind of like compulsive retweeting, only with pictures of cutesy kittens and other LOLfodder instead of 140 garbage-laden characters.

    But, hey — let’s give it a go.

    However the regurgitation tumbles and rumbles, it has to be better than signing up for Vacuous Shitbox.  Their promo says it all:




    As for the Wangoprattic Donkey (and the climbing atop of, thereof), the first reference I have for the use of this phrase is from the inside of an old cowboy boot I picked up in a junk shop in Salford in 1994.

    We all know that “climbing atop the Wangoprattic Donkey,” is synonymous with phrases such as “being a bit of a twit”, “doing something stupid”, and (in extreme cases) “signing your own death warrant”, and it’s obvious why this should be the case.  By their very nature, the terms ‘wang’ and ‘pratt’ are the stuff of ridicule, and of all the creatures God has spawned, donkeys sit high above platypi and wrinkly Sphynx cats as universally acknowledged Joke Fauna.

    But here’s the thing.

    The original Wangoprattic Donkey was owned by a crazy Edwardian spinster called Lady Demerara Cloothes — and here she is in 1904, almost atop him:




    At this stage, the donkey’s name was simply Pull The Cart You Fucking Moron! but when Lady Cloothes died and her Yorkshire estate passed on to a wealthy American family, the previously ill-treated equine found himself going up in the world.  A paid boy trimmed his hooves and shaved his scraggy fur, and his new owner renamed him Call This Darned Mule A Freakin’ Hoss?

    Here he is in 1912, on a lane just outside Harrowgate.
   


    How do I know all of this?  Because I discovered both photos in the junk shop cowboy boot — a boot that once belonged to Call This Darned Mule A Freakin’ Hoss?’s American owner, the shipping tycoon Walter D. B. G. B. T. C. P. E. T. D. P. E. G. P. B. C. B. P. C. D. T. Z. Schluberberger Jnr Snr Jnr III VIII IX.  On the back of both photographs, in handwriting confirmed as being that of Schluberberger, are written the words “Wangoprattic Donkey” — a reference that precedes the 1952 entry in the Oxford English Dictionary and the 2008 edition of Shit Whirl Has Clearly Made Up.

    So I’m Tumblin’ this, big time.

    Donkey pictures!  Major leagues historical discoveries!  Evidence of serious donkey shaving equipment prior to the Roaring 20s trend for horsehair skirts and dresses!

    Man, I’m on top of my social media game right now...


No comments: