Thursday, February 6, 2014

How To Tame Your Inner Priapic Cowboy

    You know how it goes sometimes.

    One minute, you’re happy to amble along and fit in with everyone else’s plans; the next  minute, you want nothing more than to ejaculate a gallon of warm baked beans over the face of an unsuspecting horse.

    It’s a dilemma known to all who are priapically rustled, and every last tad of that business about yoga and mindfulness is absolutely no help at all. All that ever comes from a marriage between the uncontrollably erectile and the deliberately prone is a mis-blancmange of the psyche.

    So what do you do when you find yourself dangerously “on the Eastwood”?  Uncontrollably “Up the Brad Pitter”?  Shamefully “more trunk-like than ‘The Ranger’”?

    Luckily, there’s an old adage from the world of Common Sense that’s almost tailor-made to solve this awkward conundrum:

    You gotta fight fire with fire.

    I’ve jazzed it up a little so it fits in with the cowboy theme, but essentially the message remains true (and remember, this is a writing blog, so the idea of a wanged-out chap-flappin’ cowpoke rustlin’ and hustlin’ for some hot mule action is merely a metaphor for the possessed, yet undirected, muse): * there is nothing to be gained from trying to tame your inner priapic cowboy, so don’t waste your time trying.

* Always precede important points with a ‘frog smiley & distracting asterisk’ combo.


fairyhedgehog said...

I'm a hedgehog. We don't do priapic cowboys.

Whirlochre said...

Moderately aroused gnats?