Thursday, January 2, 2014

Be Afraid. Be Negligibly Afraid.

    2014 has arrived.

    Rather than flippity-flopping its way over to my doorstep like 2013 and 2012 before it, bold new 2014 skeetered along my kitchen floor and unveiled itself in the living room with the verve of a regenerated Dr Who blessed with rudeness, ginger hair, a fresh new triple pancreas — and all the feminine guile of a Valkyrie.

    So, I’m not here to muck about with New Year greetings.  In any case, it’s now Thursday, and my attention has turned to Easter, Summer, and maybe death.

    All you need to know right now is that a feast of spine-tingling horror awaits you over at my Amazon author page.  It’s spine-tingling because I know most of you will have been up till the early hours on New Year’s Eve, pogoing like there was no tomorrow, so by default, your spines will be tingling for the next month and a half, even when you’re relaxing in the bath or ironing socks.  As for the horror, my latest fiction short will have you quaking in your flesh.  So horrific is it that Amazon considered slapping a WARNING on the cover.*

    * I’m contractually obliged to mention here that this warning was “perfectly suitable for  all, even embryos”.  Top THAT, Ridley Scott.

    Here’s what’s on offer RIGHT NOW:

    In this new age of austerity, the Bank of the Dead has tightened its belt and cut back on funding spooks.
    Mummies now groan naked, vamps suck with prosthetic gums, and the faintly flapping have downgraded from bed sheets to tea towels.
    When the Bank calls time on the ghosting days of the decapitated 13th Earl of Crotcham, it invites the wrath of a fiend still keen to get ahead.
    Join the world’s least terrifying spectre as he battles the scrooge-like wraiths of the Afterlife for his right to go        BOO!

    For less than the outlay cost of Satanic sacrifice ritual — or even a slice of relatively crap pizza — you can download THE HORROR today!

    If you’re in the UK, go here.

    If you’re in the US, go here.

    If you’re anywhere else, it’s a manual search involving actual typing.


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