Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Abysswinksback Announcement Of Wonder #1


     Here’s how it should have gone:

    You know what it’s like when you eat a dodgy meal or accidentally swallow a Swarfega-splattered fish: either you’re blocked up for a week or consumed by the galloping squits.

    Irregularity, my friends, is a curse — so to help you get regular in this world of fits and starts, I’m pleased to announce that from this coming Monday, the miracle of writerly advice and fiction snippetry that is the Abysswinksback family friendly blog* will once again beat to a continuous rhythm rather than evidencing the haphazard spazz-on randomness witnessed over the past few months.

* was that a fanfare or did someone just strangle a duck?

    For the whole of next week, from Monday to Friday, there will be singalong excerpts of some of my favourite posts, all mirrored on Twitter like a quintet of acrobats sporting leotards complete with reinforced crotch fabric.

    From then on, I shall endeavour to post at 9.59am every Monday and Thursday, tossing in occasional extras over the festive season with the casual deftness of a cruel god dispensing bonus lions before a writhing gladiatorial ensemble.

    Who said life was fair?


    Disclaimer
    Abysswinksback does not represent or warrant the accuracy or reliability of any of the information or content (collectively, the "Materials") contained on, distributed through, or linked, downloaded or accessed from any of the services contained on this website (the "Service"). In other words, if any of these promised blog posts fail to put in an appearance then it probably means that I’ve accidentally swallowed a Swarfega-splattered fish and shat myself senseless.




    But here’s how it actually went:

    Sadly, I reckoned without the AUTOPOST, BECAUSE WE CAN feature buried deeper beneath the Audioboo hub than foulness, evil and despicabilitude grace the tips of every devil’s tits.

    Instead of the steady drip-drip-dripping of Whirltastic vox posts I’d intended for next week, I’ve ended up with a flying cream shot of audio treats schwamangled into a single glitzwhack of Twitter mayhem.

    Worse still, it’s all over.  The moment (like Andrew Neil’s real hair colour) is now all gone, all over.

    Best I can do is break out the tadpole-friendly voca-scoop and redeploy my sound files here.  It’s all old stuff from the blog, only read aloud.  So here goes:




    Enjoy them if you can (or must), and don’t forget to return here on Monday for the sake of regularity.  As for Thursday  — fock that focker for this week (unless hamster debutantes flood my study with their ‘photo-me’ whiskers akimbo...)


 


2 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

*scratches head*
*picks splinters out of fingers*

I can't get the AudioBoos to work but my laptop is very unhappy since the last Windows update so I don't know what's not working.

I've never managed to be regular myself. "Sort of twice a week on averageish" is probably the nearest I've come to it. I shall look forward to your extreme punctuality with relish.

Whirlochre said...

I think Audioboo being arsey is the main problem.

As for regularity, I've enrolled in a prune eating course at my local gym so hopefully everything will be ok...