Friday, January 11, 2013
Purchase 100% Vileness Now
Hand, foot and mouth disease is a highly contagious infection which predominantly affects small children. Symptoms include a scar-like rash, blisters and itchiness, and though they may persist for up to a week, the danger to overall health is minimal.
Son-of-Whirl has now been infected for nine days with the worst case his doctor has ever seen and his extremities (including his nose) now resemble the horriblest kind of fusion between a syphilitic whore’s rancid dangly bits, a Domino's Max Tomato Ketchup pizza and the pustulent undulations that erupt on mild-mannered Jacob Windermere’s skin whenever he transforms into Captain Fucking Fucking Fucking Dreadful Acne.
If you’re a film producer seeking inspiration for alien flesh textures or landscapes, or a horror novelist needing exotic visual stimuli for your latest nightmare ripper, jpegs of my son’s skin are now available to purchase at the knock-down price of £25 per thousand pixels.
Warning: if you’re susceptible to vomiting, viewing these pictures may make you puke your own toenails.