Saturday, June 30, 2012

Pecked By Ymir's Bogeys

The one advantage of a storm boasting hailstones the size of jumbo ice cubes is that you can make yourself a G&T by sticking your glass out of the window instead of having to haul it all the way to the fridge.

But, as I discovered on Thursday, this is the only advantage of such a heavenly lashing.

The storm lasted barely ten minutes, but during that time, more jagged ice fell than was rendered in pixels during all three of the Ice Age films.  Windows rattled and guttering shook, and when the icy assault was over, a miniature flash flood washed leaf, branch and litter down the street and away to a horizon of drains.

The consequence?  Anything metal like car roofs and outdoor barbecues looks like it’s been visited by Keith Moon’s ghost, my greenhouse has a “strafed by the fury of a thousand Uzis” kind of feel, and my garden gnome collection has been robbed of its pointy hats.

As a protest against The Heavens’ cruellest summer since last year, I’m writing this post in my swimming trunks.  Ha!  That’ll teach you.

Note: Fans of fiction featuring festoons of frost should take a look here.


fairyhedgehog said...

Oh noes! Those poor little garden gnomes! Now you'll have to knit them some new hats!

Whirlochre said...

Luckily I have a set of pointy egg cups from an aunt in the attic.

fairyhedgehog said...

Now we need photos.

Whirlochre said...

And less ambiguity — it's those egg cups (from my aunt) that are in the attic. My aunt, as it happens, is in heaven.

fairyhedgehog said...

It would be so much more interesting if the aunt lived in the attic and handed out eggcups.

Whirlochre said...

"Each of these vessels invokes a powerful magicke when filled with the albumenic young of birds. Use them to slay the forces of evil, proud wizard."

"Can I get a dishcloth first? They're, like, all covered in yucky, eggy goo."