Saturday, May 5, 2012

Attack Of The Five Hundred Millimetre Alarm Clock


Alarm Clock

    Wake up.

Me

    I can’t. I’m asleep.

Alarm Clock

    Ha! Got you!

Me

    You have not “got” me — you have merely “functioned”.

Alarm Clock

    In the world of alarm clocks, functioning = got.

Me

    What about all the idle “functioning” you do when I’m asleep? Sometimes I’m out for eight hours at a stretch. Where’s all your “functioning” then?

Alarm Clock

    I’m waiting to pounce.

Me

    Waiting isn’t “getting”.

Alarm Clock

    Worked though, didn’t it?

Me

    Well, yes, but—

Alarm Clock

    So, now I have you in my clutches, helpless as you drift in the void between slumber and waking reality, it’s time to tease you with something guaranteed to keep you going right through the day like one of these sensitive toothpastes that protects and protects and protects like a Duracell battery.

Me

    What? What are you going to play?

Alarm Clock

    Eat hot 80s twang-twaddle, you snoozing oaf...





4 comments:

Old Kitty said...

Nick Heyward is a god.
:-)

Take care
x

J P Hannan said...

I had that album! I LOVED it! I think your alarm clock should have blasted you with Fantastic Day though. Much better for getting the juices flowing!

This is JaneyV by the way. I've decided to mark my re-emergence to the blogsphere by becoming a completely different person. So far I'm just confused.

Whirlochre said...

Old Kitty
Shame they didn't make Tintin 30 years ago.

Jape
Good to have you back. It's been like a witch without a wart, a giant without backache, a stick of rhubarb without an accompanying Julian Clary innuendo...

fairyhedgehog said...

I shall need my alarm on Tuesday: I have to be at work by 7.45am. Does such a time even exist?

Mine has a light to wake me up, then we have business news on Radio 4 on Neil's alarm. That's enough to get anyone out of bed!