Friday, September 9, 2011

The Gnats Of Irritation Invade My Brachial Plexus

For the whole of this morning my hands have been thrashing and twitching like the novelty Rose Pouchong tea I’ve taken to drinking recently has been laced by the pouchongers of China (or possibly Huddersfield) with some kind of Whirl-destroying nerve agent.

Any sentences I’ve typed ended up like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.

Or l i ke th i s .

When I came to drink my second cup round about half past eleven I was almost afraid to boil the kettle just in case I scalded the flesh from my body.

Then it dawned on me: this isn’t a weird kind of shakiness resulting from the onset of infusion poisoning — it’s because I haven’t posted on my blog for nearly four days and my fingers are itching for something to do other than churn out work-related crap.

So I cleared my desk immediately with a wild swoop of my arms (after several missed attempts karate chopping the wall like some fitting martial arts artiste) and sat down to set to with gung ho.*

* Not a martial artiste, btw — it’s just a turn of phrase. In any case, I never sit down to write in the same room as anyone capable of separating my head from my neck with the merest flick of their tongue.
That’s when I realised I had sod all to write about.

No prog rock lookalikes in my neighbourhood have been brutally assaulted recently, nor has Mr Do Something done something all over my life; Stoat no longer plays for Stilton, and if you think for one minute I toyed with dressing up in a kilt again just because Obama’s ratings are going through the roof of the Abyss, then you’ve got more things coming to you than a tambourine man with a red flag at the Pamplona bull run (and, yes — I nearly wrote ‘pavlova’ there).

Hmmmph. Conundrum

All I’ll say is that the shaking has stopped for the time being. Knowing my luck, I’ll be inspired to make a cocktail later this afternoon from a selection of exotic fruit juices and will no longer be able to summon any shakeability.

So — how was your Friday?


stacy said...

How was my Friday? Obviously we're experiencing a time continuum because I am still experiencing Friday.

Whirlochre said...

As long as it's not last Friday then you should be OK on the lag thing.

Old Kitty said...

You sure it's just tea you were drinking this fine Friday?

Take care

Sylvia said...

Hang on, where did my Friday go?

*stares at Stacy suspiciously*

fairyhedgehog said...

What day is it again?

Whirlochre said...

Dear All
It's Monday now so we're over the worst of it — whatever it was.