Friday, April 15, 2011

Quadriceps Ahoy


I’d set today aside to wear a pair of shorts.

Other things were scheduled, of course, but all with the wearing of shorts at their epicentre.

So: a whirl of writing, cooking, cleaning, admin and miscellaneous phone calls, all circling like electrons round the comforting nucleus of a pair of khaki shorts.

Only three problems.

First, the button had fallen off my shorts and I couldn’t be arsed to find a replacement and sew it back on.

Second, it’s way too cold for any of that nonsense.

Third (and most important), I changed my mind anyway.

What possessed me to want to lounge about the place like a louche surfer boy? Far better to don a pair of sensible slacks and stride from room to room looking casual-yet-efficient — and (according to the postman) personable. To be honest, I suspect my postman is a little short of female company in the evenings. The tiny wad of post he handed over this morning could easily have been slipped through the letter box without the need to ring the doorbell three times while praying, half prone, on the doormat (and I know this because I saw him through the curtain). Perhaps he’s figured out I’m a pre-op transvestite — which reminds me, I must ring the clinic.

I mention all of this because unless you live in some far flung part of the world whose days and nights and months and years are laid out according to the Dwarven Cheese Cycle, it’s the end of the week in a few short hours and it may be that what seemed like the best-laid plans on Monday morning are now in tatters, like the skull ‘n’ crossbones of an unfortunate pirate ship after a raid on galleon throbbing with Danny La Rue cyborg clones.

So — if it’s all gone tits up for you, console yourself with the thought that poor old Whirl never got to wear his shorts even though he badly wanted to, and the whole sorry affair was self-inflicted.

The “someone less fortunate than yourself” isn’t always me — only today, it is.

Hope that makes everyone feel a lot, lot better...


4 comments:

McKoala said...

Ah, the less fortunate you, the more fortunate we.

We did not have to view you in shorts.

stacy said...

We've already seen your legs in a short kilt, which is WAY sexier than any shorts.

Old Kitty said...

I feel so much better knowing that you didn't swan around in your hotpants/shorts.

:-) Take care
x

Whirlochre said...

McKoala
It would have been a most bizarre thing for you all to organize, I suppose.

Stacy
Returning the compliment, I thought you looked swell draped beneath Neil Gaiman...

Old Kitty
That's why I'm available on the NHS for distressed hairstylists as a Person Refraining From Using A Machete On A Horse.