Tuesday, April 5, 2011

On The Couch With Sock Monkey



WO: Morning.

SM: What the hell are you doing here? You’re not booked in for a session.

WO: Just thought I’d see how the judging was going.

SM: The what?

WO: The judging. You know, for my contest? The gravy?

SM: *blank simian look, like a fish that’s just swallowed another fish and doesn’t even realise it*

WO: Don’t tell me you didn’t get my email...

SM: Oh, yes — that. I presumed it was a prank.

WO: What’s pranky about a 3rd Bloggiversary Celebration?

SM: I’ve told you before, it exposes you as a talentless narcissist, a borderline psychotic intent on flaunting his myriad psychological problems — and with the whole gravy thing you play right into your own unwitting hands.

WO: Not so — I was wearing rubber gloves when I wrote out that last post.

SM: What?

WO: Very squeaky on the keys but not a dribble of Bisto splashed the keyboard.

SM: Now you’re being facetious.

WO: Is that one level up from narcissistic? I don’t remember...

SM: So you still want me to judge this thing, right?

WO: I’d be honoured.

SM: What’s wrong with Girly of Whirly?

WO: You want a list?

SM: Okay then — that son of yours?

WO: You’re passing up a list for a database of some vast alien culture?

SM: I see.

WO: Lucky you — I reel.

SM: No need to ask about Mother of Girly of Whirly, I suppose?

WO: No. And thanks for reminding me.

SM: Don’t mention it. Your hair suits the spiky look.

WO: So — will you do it?

SM: It’ll cost you.

WO: Do you take gravy? It was on 2-for-1 in Cheep-o-Mart.

SM: Under normal circumstances, I’d be utterly offended by such an offer but it just so happens I’m preparing a culinary treat later tonight and your gravy would save me a trip out to the supermarket in the rain. Don’t furrow your brow like that — it’s a fur thing.

WO: Brilliant! I’ll drop the gravy by this afternoon, along with the answers and the judging guide.

SM: The judging guide?

WO: A few people have cheated and one or two haven’t taken it at all seriously.

SM: Said the narcissistic borderline psychotic.

WO: Ha ha. What are you cooking, just out of interest?

SM: Peaches and cream. It’s not so much cooking as mixing together.

WO: So why the gravy?

SM: I’m allergic to cream.

* oh look, a momentary pause for comic effect *

WO: Should I bring some potatoes?

SM: Yes.


6 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I'm glad to know that the contest is going to have such a competent judge.

Gravy and peaches... that'll be nearly as good as mackerel and custard.

Old Kitty said...

I like my gravy lumpy, thank you.

Take care
x

Mother (Re)produces. said...

oh, man. Missed all the fun again. Is it too late to take the quiz? See what happens when I stay off the net for a few days to try and get some work done...

Whirlochre said...

Spike-o-Enchant-o-Beest
Oddly enough, I've been eating more than my usual amount of mackerel recently. As S-o-W remarked, "hey Dad, if you eat any more mackerel, you'll turn into a fish..." I'd love to share more of the story but all this typing is hurting my fins.

Old Kitty
No need for a George Foreman Gravy Ironer, then...

Mother
Much as I would love to make this a free-for-all along the lines of Butt Nekkid Zombie Lurve Chixx VI (which I haven't, of course, ever seen), Sock Monkey informs me the scores he's tallied so far are so perilously low you might actually win, thus placing you in grave danger of receiving death threats from the other entrants.

But your pleas have not gone unnoticed and you will be rewarded for your enthusiasm...

Robin B. said...

I'm lovin' those Pink Stripeys!

Ello said...

Darn it! I meant to come earlier but I have brain damage and forgot. Meek apologies.