Saturday, March 5, 2011

Since When Did Saving The Environment Require Me To Rupture My Eyeballs?

If anyone needed an indication of just how stupid I am* my advice would be to read on.

* without reviewing every post on this blog since April 1st 2008

The more I go on with this peculiar business of submitting material to literary agents, the more I’m convinced that the people accepting only paper queries, synopses and chapters are destined to be reincarnated as sorry individuals who mutter, “must have been something I did in a previous life”. Email is easier, quicker, cheaper, savvier — and heaps better for the environment.

That said, when it comes to editing stories and scripts, I much prefer having hard paper copies upon which to scribble, scrawl and correct myself to oblivion. It’s hard to see everything all at once on a computer screen and heaven help me if whimsy should demand I sketch a willy and balls in the margin.** Add to this the legitimacy of a Times or Courier font (“hey, this looks just like a real book!”) and a corrections blitz becomes almost impossible via a keyboard, I find. This kind of hardware is for fine tuning only, much later down the line.

** at the time of writing, FunneeKok Pro 1.9 is retailing at £29.99

Far better to curl up on a bed or settee with a wad of paragraphs and a stiff biro-shandy combo. Tick here, cross there, rewrite lines by the *************, until every amendment is ready to be struck to hard disk.

Sounds great — but this is where we come to the stupid bit.

Not all Documents To Be Edited are equal. Worse still, neither are Paragraphs Within Documents To Be Edited. Print out a ten page document and you could find yourself post-corrections holding pages that didn’t need touching. That’s when you think, “why, I could have got away with printing eight pages rather than ten if only I’d known...” quickly followed by “how wasteful and costly to the environment, not to mention my wallet...” and ultimately, “so next time round I’ll print everything out in 7pt — draft — to be extra-uberecowarrior.”

‘Next time’ in this particular instance was 5.45am this morning, in the 'fathoms deep angler fish' glow of my energy saving Uselessness Lamp.

I shan’t trouble you (or embarrass myself) with how long I persisted, believing I was “determined and tenacious”.


Old Kitty said...

You could always make paper sock monkeys out of the two pages that you needn't have printed out.

Great way to recycle!

Take care

Scarlet Blue said...

7pt. Oh dear. Squinty mess?

fairyhedgehog said...

I could post you some of my reading glasses.

Whirlochre said...

Old Kitty

Paper sock monkeys. That dissolve when hosed down with water. Yes...


Squinty. And draft...

Squinty Hog

You sound like a collector.

stacy said...

Yikes. If only we could just beam the edits into the computer from our brains from a comfy position on the sofa.

Whirlochre said...

I'd settle even for an uncomfy one...

McKoala said...

* without reviewing every post on this blog since April 1st 2008

That's OK. I'll accept that sometimes a single post can prove a universal truth.