Thursday, January 13, 2011

Beats Blogging About Vacuuming The Fluff From Your Navel, I Suppose...


Toenails.

For many people, they’re an irritating fact of anatomical matter, a throwback to the days (before there were tights and socks to be perforated) when your pinkies needed a little protection from all those Pteranodon-jettisoned boli and ground-hopping bobbles of sub-reptilian gristle that would one day evolve into bees.

Right now, mine are a kind of living exodus, a collection of molecules organised into shell-like husks whose mission in life is to get the heck away from my brain as quickly as possible for fear of being incorporated into some madcap idea involving dressing up or horseplay.

Resolved to put them out of their misery with deft cuts of a clearly useless Christmas cracker gift (no, not the padlock incapable of securing anything, or the fish-shaped sliver of plastic shaved from Clare Petulengro’s Tupperware collection...), I don goggles and set to.

So — how was your mid-morning tea break?

9 comments:

Why all the worry? said...

I cant stand toenail clippers. Something very wrong about how hard you have to press them together.

fairyhedgehog said...

Boredom has a lot to answer for.

I once had a boss who would come over to my desk when he was bored and tip out my pin tray (full of staples, paperclips, etc.).

Still, at least he didn't clip his toenails at me.

Scarlet Blue said...

I also hate toe-nail clippers... because they never make a clean cut and you have to tug the semi-clipped shaving away from a hang nail. UGH.
Sx

I am having my afternoon tea-break. No toes are being dunked.

Old Kitty said...

Toenails are there to be painted a lovely shade of puce or magenta. And if really daring, scarlet!

Take care
x

Whirlochre said...

WATW
I hate the moment when the clipper bit starts to bend and you wonder — will it be a shard of metal rather than a toenail flying in my eye this time?

She's A Rodent, She's "Of A Magical Nature", She Lives Under A Bush
Misread that as 'Benidorm'. But you're still right.

Scarlet
Maybe we need special pirouetting 'buff rats'. Will see what I can rustle up with some sandpaper, a spinning top and Geoff's latest offering from the garden (despite the fact that it's dead).

Old Kitty
I also like those rub-on transfers you can get.

jjdebenedictis said...

Every few months, I doff my socks and recoil in horror at the half-centimetre of robust white keratin gleaming smugly at me.

The shards, however, are too heavy to really behave like shrapnel, so my toes and I get it over with quickly and quietly.

Then we leave one another in peace again. It's a good system.

Whirlochre said...

JJ
How coy you are.

Whose eyes have you had out with the buggers?

Pearl said...

Oddly enough, had a pedicure this afternoon for my birthday. :-)

I suspect the smallest toe's nail of setting a bad example for the other toes. I think it may some day become a tiny little hoof...

Pearl

Whirlochre said...

Pearl
It's an odd thing to say to a first time visitor but, please, Pearl — don't turn into a horse.