Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Resurgoriffic

As I understand it, there’s something of a 2008 celebration going on in select nookiettes of the blogoshpere

2008! Who can forget that baby?

Certainly not the Missouri liquour store owner whose wife was eaten by all those escaped donkeys from the NASA Deep Space Research Laboratory.

Or the 93 year-old ex-acrobat from Sprimpington-on-the-Whoppe who astonished the judges of Britain’s Got Talent with hyperventilated screeches midway through her vaginal harmonica rendition of We Are The Champions.

Less still the Bharvaddi tribe of Bolivia, undiscovered by the rest of mankind until May 4th, and now hopelessly addicted to crack cocaine and late night re-runs of Sgt Bilko.

For me, the big deal was coming out of the blogging closet on April 1st. Cold in there. Suffocating. Hrr. And my chimpanzee cellmate — so smelly, so rude, so difficult to beat at Rummy.

I’d been staring at the padlock on the trapdoor for a while, and every day, muttered to the diminishing spirits of my loved ones, “if only I had the key, I’d wrench myself free from this infernal hellhole while still retaining fingernails to die for.”

Always, the chimp would mutter something back, some evolutionary ancestor nonsense masquerading as a pre-language style grunt. And I would beat it about the head with a rolled up Jack of Clubs.

Then one day I realised. Heard its words for the first time. That hru hru hru was no ordinary hru hru hru as might be made by an orang utan, masturbating to cheers in some inner city zoo. What it said was, “look, Whirl, the solution is staring you in the face. You’ve got to extricate yourself from this self-imposed exile. Link up with some of the folks over at Evil Editor’s blog and indulge yourself with a little post-millennial cyberexchange of intellectual spasms. The key you seek is no cast of iron, no tangible mongering of metal. ‘Tis deep inside your heart, my friend —”

That’s when I strangled the bloody thing. Nothing gets my goat more than a schmalzy chimp.

He was right, though. As I side-footed his remains down the drain, a bright light burst from my chest like a will-o-the-wisp paying homage to the abdomen scene in Alien. It hovered before me for a few seconds , as if to say, “this is a moment of great significance in your life”, then whooshed into the padlock and set me free.

If you’re here for much the same reason, then you already know what’s going on. You’re part of it. Implicated.

If not, maybe you’re simply lost, in which case

a) The loo is just down the hallway, 2nd door on the right.
b) All-in-one pink fluffy Snoopy cutesy suits look ridiculous even on people who know exactly where they’re going.

Whatever the case, if anyone has fond memories of anything that happened in 2008, the comments trail is open to your outpourings of unrestrained gush. You may even wish to make something up. In fact, let’s do that. Blogger award for the best fond memory, fictional or otherwise.

11 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I was suckered. Well, I wondered what on earth you'd linked to.

Ah, fond memories of 2008. Was it only ten years ago?

Whirl writing plain, simple prose bereft of any humour or whimsy. Robin with her prudish little poems and her complaints when the rest of us used strong language.

Ah yes, I remember it well.

Whirlochre said...

And let's not forget all those photographs of your good self wrestling antelopes to the ground in that crazy cheesecloth toga!

McKoala said...

Mm, anyone for a tad of nookiette?

Ah, 2008, good times. Blogless became blogged and who remembers what ChurchLadyRhinoThongButt was called in those days, but she was around too...

Robin B. said...

As I side-footed his remains down the drain, a bright light burst from my chest like a will-o-the-wisp paying homage to the abdomen scene in Alien. It hovered before me for a few seconds , as if to say, “this is a moment of great significance in your life”, then whooshed into the padlock and set me free...

This is EXACTLY how I felt the first time I saw that pink-socked avatar of yours, Whirl - on EE's
2nd anniversary blog.

I think what I remember most is our banter in the comments at EE's and how that (damn good) banter helped our writing and built our friendships. (Even though, as FH mentions, I was initially so very shy and prudish!)

Who can forget those Sunday writing exercises where we flexed our writing muscles and wrote each other into mini-stories?

And then whammo, came EE's anniversay blog and we had a communal 24 hour drunk fest, basically.

Damn.

Old Kitty said...

I'm innocent until proven otherwise.

I for one think that the vaginal harmonica rendition of We Are the Champions to be the best cover of that song. Shame it never got released.

Anyway! 2008. I was two years younger than I am now. End of.

Take care
x

Peter Dudley said...

All-in-one pink fluffy Snoopy cutesy suits look ridiculous even on people who know exactly where they’re going.

I beg to differ. When I was 19 years old, I and a friend of mine were lucky enough to meet three pretty young sorority girls and go trick-or-treating with them before a big fraternity party. One of them was wearing an all-in-one pink fluffy cutesy suit, though I think it might have been a bunny and not a Snoopy. In any case, nothing ridiculous about THAT look.

Regarding 2008: I do recall that one day, I think it was in February, when EE held a live nude webcam session that only a few of us attended. At the end, he swore us all to secrecy. It was really a shame that Robin wasn't around that day.

Whirlochre said...

McKoala
Thanks for reminding me about that rhino. I miss it terribly.

Wrobin
It's an excitement our grand kids will be talking about long after we're dead.

Old Kitty
Freddie Mercury could just about have managed it, in rertrospect.

Pete
All-in-one pink fluffy cutesy suits bridge the nookiette/nookiette-free clothing divide like no other garment.

pacatrue said...

I just want to know how you knew about Dr. Paca's Hotsy Potsy Lurve Thing? Because that was supposed to be a secret.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

What can I say, Whirl? The quality of your cartoon captions alone was enough to make me put down the revolver and become a nun. Where would we be without you?

Robin B. said...

Whoa- just read Pete's comment!!
Dammit, people, you gotta tell me these things!

Whirlochre said...

Paca
That'll teach you to hypnotise me into hypnotising you.

Mother
Some of them have been shockers.

Wrobin
Think of it as a workout for the seamy side of your brain...