Friday, November 26, 2010

Peter Schmeichel In A Mini

The great thing about Nanowrymo (and yes, I’ve pulled this one from a list) is that non-participants like myself can slipstream in the enthusiasm of the dedicated like sponges sucking fluid from the Pacific.*

*And if you are participating, just look at that last sentence to discover how a simple-yet-crap simile can boost your word count by up to 22%.

As I’m currently dis-WIPed, I’ve been scrabbling around for new projects to tackle, unable to decide between half-baked ideas and unformed flickers of flash fiction. Needless to say, I’ve comfort eaten an unusual volume of noodles, shaved my face down to my fingernails and taken up smoking Andrex.

Nano (or rather, its slipstream) has spared me — spared me from calling one of those hilarious prank phone lines and arranging myself a bogus lottery win just for something to do with my fingers — and though 4000 words is nothing compared to the Tolstoyloads some have reeled off so far this month, a couple of things are spectacularly pleasing.

First, my tendency to edit-as-U-go has been tossed onto the back burner along with the Sausages of Korrect Spelling. The result? Rather than looking like pages from a published book, my notes resemble a frenzied Pollock rendered in the sicked-up contents of a zealot scientist’s eureka glands.

Second, much of what I’ve written requires very little editing. Highly unusual, this. Unwitnessed, in fact, since I downed too many pints in the back room of The Wooly Mammoth and trotted off most of my Deano Haloumi.

So, for once, the pat I feel on my back hasn’t been squirted from a restless bovine spirit’s arse.

And I don’t care if people think I’m flagellating myself. Jane Fonda did worse in her fitness videos — half naked, the shameless hussy.


Old Kitty said...

Yes but look at the results of Ms Fonda's exertions!!!
Sponge away is wot I say! Take care

fairyhedgehog said...

Just don't sponge up any of the 7000 words I still need before I get to them.

No wonder it's getting harder.

jjdebenedictis said...

I had hoped to surf the NaNo slipstream, but I seem to be flipping and flailing in it like a snake in zero G.

Hey, that analogy-insertion business really does work.

Sorry--did I say "work"? I meant "pad things out like a 98-lb. ninja infiltrating the Playboy Mansion."

Whirlochre said...

Old Kitty
Glad you agree. Maybe I need to check out if Mr T ever did a video...

So nice to be within 700 rather than 7000 done.

I'm with you all the way.

McKoala said...

Where's the photo of Schmeichel in a mini? *disappointed pout*c