Tuesday, July 20, 2010

On The Couch With Sock Monkey

SM: We’re going to try something a little different today.

WO: Let me guess — you on top, me dressed as a nurse.

SM: Very funny.

WO: So what’s the deal?

SM: Ever heard of the Rorschach Test?

WO: The Japanese reality TV show? Where the contestants are force fed sushi?

SM: No, you’re thinking of Kujukuri Hammerhead Puree.

WO: Of course I am. Silly. So go on, what is this raw shark?

SM: It’s pronounced Rorschach, actually.

WO: That’s what I said.

SM: Fine. Now, we’re going to try a variation on the aforesaid test—

WO: Like a minnow? A lightly poached minnow?

SM: If you like.

WO: No — if you like. It’s your test.

SM: Very well then. The Lightly Poached Minnow Test.

WO: Which is?

SM: I want you to draw a doodle.

WO: A doodle? What kind of a doodle?

SM: Anything. Anything that comes to mind.

WO: What, like a bear? Some kind of a bear?

SM: Not exactly. Think of something random, kind of crazy.

WO: But a bear was the first thing I thought of. If I now think of something else, it won’t be the first thing. And it certainly won’t be random.

SM: Let’s start again. I want you to think of something random as you’re drawing it. Don’t think too hard, just let it flow. Empty your mind of—

WO: Can I just stop you there? This doodle, this random doodle — why am I drawing it anyhow?

SM: We’re going to use it to reveal your inner mood.

WO: My inner mood?

SM: That’s right.

WO: As opposed to my outer mood?

SM: Of overall low level hostility, yes.

WO: So how many moods have I got? Inner, outer, upper, downer? And how do they all join up? Are they stitched together like a quilt, or slopping around like vegetables in a broth? Or is there no link between them at all? Like they’re just suspended inside my head like fish poo in a pond that hasn’t been cleaned out for a while? You know, the way it floats around between the rocks and the plants? Or better still, like a bunch of dead fish float?

SM: You’ve asked a number of very important philosophical questions there, and we can return to them on another occasion—

WO: But I get a gold star, right?

SM: If you like.

WO: No — if you like. It’s not a reward otherwise.

SM: OK, if I like.

WO: And you do?

SM: Yes.

WO: Yeeeeees!

SM: So let’s get back to the doodle.

WO: Which you’re going to analyse?

SM: Yes.

WO: Which has to be the first thing I think of?

SM: Yes.

WO: And entirely random?

SM: Yes.

WO: As I’m drawing it?

SM: Yes.

WO: Right...let me think...let me think...(...)... — voila!

SM: You’ve drawn a bear.

WO: I know. It was the first thing I thought of, like you said. And it’s definitely random because it’s a different bear. The first one was riding a unicycle.

SM: A unicycle? Veeeery interesting...

WO: But what about the bear? Look — he’s smiling. That’s a mood, isn’t it?

SM: True, but the unicycle is far more significant.

WO: You mean the unicycle I didn’t actually draw?

SM: But you thought of it.

WO: So why bother with the pen and paper? What sort of test is this?

SM: Like I said, it’s a test to reveal your inner mood.

WO: Okay then, brainache, what does a non-existent unicycle signify? About my inner mood?

SM: You think the unicycle doesn’t exist?

WO: Of course it doesn’t exist. Look at the bloody picture, you halfwit.

SM: The unicycle is a symbol for your independence, your daring; perhaps even your fear of being buggered on a ship. In saying it doesn’t exist, you’re doubting your own abilities, feeling like you’re all at sea.

WO: What — you mean this unicycle?

SM: No! Nooooo!

WO: Ha! Got you! This isn’t the unicycle you were thinking of, is it? It isn’t even the one I was thinking of. It’s a random unicycle. Which I've jokily drawn to parody your ridiculous suggestion about my fear of being buggered on a ship.

SM: Noooo! That’s not the problem! My whole analysis was dependent on the fact that you drew a bear’s head. Now you’ve added a body, you’ve ruined the whole thing.

WO: So you’d rather I’d just drawn the head and the unicycle? Like in some bizarrely amputee animal circus?

SM: I’d rather you’d just left it at the head. And the thought of the unicycle. If truth be told, I’d rather you’d just drawn a proper doodle. Random lines, squiggles, dots.

WO: Why didn’t you just say so?

SM: OK then, I’m saying so. Let’s ditch the bear and the unicycle.

WO: Sure you don’t want it for your living room?

SM: Nope.

WO: Dining room?

SM: Nope.

WO: Bathroom?

SM: Just draw another picture. A doodle this time.

WO: First thing—

SM: First thing, yes. Random. Lines. Squiggles. Dots.

WO: Lines...squiggles...dots...(...)... — voila!

SM: You’ve drawn another fucking bear!!!

WO: Yes, but look — lines, squiggles, dots.

SM: Session’s over. Now get lost.


fairyhedgehog said...

I was wondering where you were as we hadn't heard from you for a while. I was going to pop across and comment on an old post and now I don't need to.

This had me laughing out loud all the way through.

I had no idea how to pronounce Rorschach. I've only ever seen it written down.

Old Kitty said...

I hope SM still gave you your gold star.

take care

McKoala said...

I think it's another victory for Sock Monkey in the end.

WO: As opposed to my outer mood?

SM: Of overall low level hostility, yes.


Sarah Laurenson said...

Upper, downer, inner, outer? Whew. I'm exhausted just thinking about having so many moods.


Lovely caonversation.

Whirlochre said...

Just popping in to cheer you on as you comment.

Haven't forgotten the Snakes Alive Blogger Award, btw.

Somebody has won.

Details soon...

Robin S. said...

Ok. I have a confession to make. I was laughing along and enjoying myself until I looked over and realized that I had your speaking roles reversed in my mind.

Holy crap. That was weird!!

Elena Solodow said...

Any way I can get a copy of that bear-unicycle picture? I like how his feet are backwards!

Great post - glad I stumbled upon it.

Whirlochre said...

Happens to me all the time. Especially whan we're all writing at once.

Do stumble here again. As for the picture, I'm sure you can save it directly from Blogger.