Saturday, July 3, 2010

Introducing The iPollock

I’ve never been one for gadgets.

Why, on the Luddite/Nerd Axis I’m a healthily rustic 7.359.

Not for me, the latest phone whose photos contain more megapixels than the number of atomic particles in whatever you’re snapping — and which ALSO* contributes (via Gamma, Beta, Theta and Sinitta waves) to the wholesale destruction of Pluto.
* Because gadgets are notoriously heavy on BONI.

Not for me, the fork-cum-knife-cum-spoon-cum-plate-cum-cup-cum-sieve-cum-coathanger that handily transforms a camping weekend into an IQ test for the hoodwinked and soon-to-be-enraged.

Not for me, any kind of SPECIAL ATTACHMENT to any kind of ordinary tool that fits neatly into a pocket or handbag and fills you with a sense of eureka-by-proxy — but only so long as it actually remains attached, bloody thing.

And that’s why, when it comes to word processing gadgets, I’m an iPollock kind of a guy.


“The iPollock rests neatly on your thigh and provides a stable platform for numerous sizes of paper. Simply add biro and writing. In addition, this fantastic very large book comes bundled with an encyclopaedic array of information about Wyoming’s most famous abstract expressionist sonofabitch.”

Sadly, much as I would love to pass on links to online techno-merchandise wholesalers flogging spanking new iPollocks at a whopping 25% discount, I can’t.

You can only get iPollocks from junk shops. In Leicester. In 1991.

11 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

Damn. And I was so going to get one.

Old Kitty said...

I like your stripey socks.
:-)

Take care
x

maybe genius said...

I'll take three!

And yes, great socks :D

jjdebenedictis said...

SOCKS!!!

I do believe I already own an iPollack. How did that happen?

Whirlochre said...

Sadly, the iPollock is too big for those protective socks you can get for all the other iNonsense...

DJ Kirkby said...

I love your socks! I have many pairs of the same :)

Sarah Laurenson said...

How very cool.

*Must resist urge to search high and low for one*

word ver: donngle (really)

Whirlochre said...

DJ
Hope to see you at the next Fun Hose Convention...

Sarah
You could take California by storm with one of these babies.

jinksy said...

The socks win hands down - why aren't you marketing copies, so making your fortune? You could always call them iSocks...

Whirlochre said...

And you, my dear, have the head start with the iJinks...

McKoala said...

iBollocks.