Thursday, April 29, 2010

So — Where Did You Get Your KITTEN?

The great thing about playing host to gangs of unruly builders is the inevitable questions about your life.

“So, why the suit of armour at the top of the stairs, big nose?”
“Hey, watch your mouth — that’s my grandad.”

“So, when’s the baby due?”
(What’s disturbing about this one is that the builder in question was referring to my mother-in-law, which kind of upped the Insult Ante for all concerned. Still — a great opportunity to roll out my petulant huff).

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”
(I think this guy was trying to say, “what the hell’s a bottomless pit doing in your bathroom?” but I let him try and figure it out himself).

Finally, of course, the one they always ask Any visitor, any circumstance, always.

“So, where did you get your kitten?
My stock answer runs something like this...

Interesting you should ask, Mr/Mrs
* builder
* postman
* political activist
* salesman
* lost rioter
* athlete
* bobcat tamer
* nun
* human-cum-horse graft nightmare mutant
etc etc
— I got her off my girlfriend’s brother, one of a litter of three. We used to have two others from the same litter, but one died in 1999, the other in 1996 (and this is where I wait for the look of incredulity, hung, moist and dribbly on the face of my interrogator like a jellyfish flung into the air by a trebuchet, on the cusp of its arc, travelling neither up nor down, just suspended in space in a translucent glob of confusion) — because, yes, my friend, she’s 16 years old and therefore technically not a kitten but a very, very small cat indeed.

At this point, Geoff normally performs her trademark Get A Load Of My Dinkiness purr, but yesterday, she switched tactics and got stuck under the floorboards for the entire morning.

What fun we had, the Bum Crack Battalion and I, trying to grab hold of her diminutive form and fish her out.

Because here are the measurements, Stat Cats...





21 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

That is the cutest cat EVER!

Rufus said...

OMG Geoff, why didn't you tell me? This changes everything. I need time to think.

fairyhedgehog said...

She's so cute! And adorable!

Old Kitty said...

OMG she's tiny!!!

She's tiny!!!

She's really tiny!

She's quite small.

Ok, I'm used to it now.

Nope,she's really tiny!

I can't bear the thought of her getting stuck under floorboards - she's so tiny!

Take care
x

Geoff said...

I am that cat...

jinksy said...

Proves small is beautiful...

fairyhedgehog said...

I had to come back and have another look.

Did I say how cute she is?

Mother (Re)produces. said...

oh, wow.
We had a runt too once, but she wasn't quite that small. What a little sweety. Were the others this small too?

JaneyV said...

Geoff - as cats go, I find you adorable looking. Your diminutive stature only adds to this illusion. I understand now how irritating that can be. I don't blame you for hiding out from all the dusty blokes with their arses hanging out. You must've been terrified of one of them accidentally sitting on you and disappearing without a trace.

You are not a kitten, you are a very small cat.

Word verification: pidilin

Geoff said...

I'm on my back now.

Bring it on.

More, more...

JaneyV said...

You're a tigerrrrrrrrr.

jjdebenedictis said...

She's not a kitten, she's a little old lady.

A little old lady saying, "Hmph; kids today, wandering around with their trousers half-off."

Sarah Laurenson said...

Awwww. Geoff, you are so cute.

We thought our little Maya was going to be that small. She was a little over a pound at 2 months old when we picked her up off the street.

At 7 months old, she's over 7 1/2 pounds now and very long.

Phoenix said...

I bet she still takes up more than half a king-size bed at night.

Whirlochre said...

Ok, Phoenix wins...

fairyhedgehog said...

I came back for another look.

What a sweetie!

Bernita said...

"I wait for the look of incredulity, hung, moist and dribbly on the face of my interrogator like a jellyfish flung into the air by a trebuchet, on the cusp of its arc, travelling neither up nor down, just suspended in space in a translucent glob of confusion)"

I love that. Yes.

Whirlochre said...

Hog Mysterieuse
She's been sat on a pile of old tea towels for the past hour sweetying me to death...

Bernita
I quite liked that one too.

writtenwyrdd said...

Geoff is very tiny indeed!
And how like a cat, to deliberately get in the place she is least likely to be wanted. They are psychic that way. Ours climbed from the dryer vent opening into the basement. We were lucky she didn't make a detour into the walls. *shudder*

Kiersten White said...

Suddenly I feel a kinship for Geoff.

sylvia said...

Oh no, so cute! That can't possibly be Geoff!