Friday, April 30, 2010

I'm Being Attacked By A Goat


According to recent research, if you're looking for a sure fire way of luring people to your website, the threat of a goat attack wins hands down over sex every time.

And now that you're here, this is a quick note just to say that my Novel tab is now active.

That's all.*


*Though if truth be told, there's a couple of bearded nannies prowling around on the landing looking very menacing indeed. No, waitaminute, it's the guitarists from ZZ Top...

19 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

You're going to get some pretty strange people coming in here if you lure them with threats of goat attacks. Oh, wait! We're already here.

I'll listen to your glorious voice as soon as the freezer repair man is on his way. If I start listening now he'll eavesdrop and I'll never be rid of him.

fairyhedgehog said...

Comments on the Novels page have been disabled so I'll comment here.

I always love your voice! Number two was a bit grisly for my tastes but I love, love, love the first extract! Young love in all its youngloveyness.

Matthew said...

Fooled by goats AGAIN!

Excerpt one was like a dream and excerpt two was like a nightmare (in a good way).

Old Kitty said...

Lots of headbutting going on then?

What fun!

:-)

Take care
x

Zoe C. Courtman said...

Bwahahahaahahaha! ZZ Top. Thanks for the first guffaw of the morning :D

Kerrie said...

Based on this the way to send your ratings through the roof would be to put sex and a goat attack in the same title.
My next blog may be called Goat Sex Attack.

writtenwyrdd said...

I don't think that tab is very novel...you do have several more...

word veri: sings

I think that if you mention sex, tinfoil helmets, anal probes and bdsm you will get a LOT more traffic. Honest.

latvialovedoll1877 said...

ur so hot I am hot 2. I love ur stomerk. Make big pastry for you. qalified chef and two dogs. Brunete student hot hot hto we mak love to REM.

writtenwyrdd said...

See, look: It worked. Latvian Love Doll is back! (No need to thank me, Whirl. I know I'm good that way.)

Whirlochre said...

Spiky Beast
Looks like the goat thing is a goer.

Matthew
Glad to have duped you.

Old Kitty
Tae Kwon Do is the only way to go when it comes to taking out the goats.

Zoe
Even when the world stands poised on the brink of Armageddon, ZZ Top will still be funny — even is they started it.

Kerrie
I look forward to it.

WW
Looks like the portal is already open (as they say).

JaneyV said...

I believe that a picture of some fornicating goats would propel your blog into the stratosphere - Which would be a great shame as I like it's current accessible position very much.

As for your lovely extracts - I too am smitten beyond my perimenopausal heart with the joy of it. Wonderful El Whirlio, simply brillypants. Number two's macabre nature wouldn't be my first choice but it's gorgeously written and I have to say I loved imagining Deano in his spangly Elvis suit. As always your voice is swoonworthy.

Whirlochre said...

Janey
Brillypants? Doubtless they get your saucepans spotlessly clean, but I bet they chafe like crazy.

As for the macarbre, 2 is about right for this bit, but on a scale of 1-10, the truly horrific bits merit an 11.

JaneyV said...

Those would be Brill-o-pants which are a very differnt kettle of fish - only to be worn as a punishment or if you're into that kind of thing. I don't judge!

Brillipants is like a big squeeeee of joy - not an ounce of steel wool or noxious pink cleaning materials to be found.

Jeff said...

Reminds me of something my CO yelled at me during bootcamp.

"Baird, You can build 1000 bridges in your life but if you f*** one goat do you know what that makes you?"

"No sir"

"A goat f***er, remember that Baird"

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol, that keyword search thing is a bit freaky sometimes isn't it? Novel link? Going to look for it now.

DJ Kirkby said...

I liked excerpt one a lot! Your voice sounds great, ever considered renting it out for professional use? How do you get those page tabs on your blog? I need to do something like that too.

Whirlochre said...

Janey
You don't judge, huh? Bet you've sat on a few advisory panels, though.

Jeff
Thanks for dropping by. It's a sad fact of life that fornicating with goats does tend to produce the one clear-cut outcome, whereas all the heroic stuff — from rescuing maidens from burning castles to running a charity marathon in three pairs of brill-o-pants — could go either way at the drop of a hat. The devil has all the best tunes, as they say, and the guardians of certainty, the worst kind of lifestyle choices.

DJ
The tabs are available only on Blogger In Draft — along with some dinky new templates. And thanks for sampling...

Bearded Nan Lord said...

Fuck Off.

sylvia said...

Oooh, audio-books on demand! How exciting - I can't wait to listen!

I guess I better get speakers that work now. The one thing this monitor can't do :P

Wordver: burress - is that a female donkey?