Thursday, March 11, 2010

Rug Test




This is a Rug Test.

It's like the Test Card — only it's a rug.

Back soon, but meanwhile — why not re-investigate this old favourite?


Update c/o the comments. Go there first or this will be utterly meaningless.

42 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I thought you meant you were testing out a rug and the phrase "rug burn" forced itself upon me.

McKoala said...

Strange, FH. The word 'toupee' occurred to me.

Whirlochre said...

Hog of Wonder & Glory
Rug burn is most unpleasant and almaost always forces itself upon you — unless you're a rug burn enthusiast, of course, in which case, you need locking up (and I'm referring to the global 'you' here, and not...you)

Whirlochre said...

Huh, there goes the weirdo marsupial again, trying to be clever...

Geoff said...

She's cleverer than you, you dimwit...

McKoala said...

Not much of a challenge, though, is he, Geoff? Now you, of course are a different matter...

fairyhedgehog said...

When I take up rug burning as a hobby I'd better not go global.

I pick up such useful tips in here.

Whirlochre said...

Hog of a Thousand Spikes
Maybe you could set up a global rug burn treatment unit, like a SWAT team, only with bandages and antiseptic cream instead of rifles — and a squad of brightly painted helicopters that could reach any location in the world (however remote) in under fifteen minutes. Guaranteed. Or your money back.

McKoala
Geoff has just looked over and nodded, though whether this constitutes agreement, I don't know. Maybe she has fleas. Or maybe she's doing her Pilates...

jinksy said...

Why are rows of russet cars driving between a hail of envelopes, I ask myself? Don't the manufactures know rugs are intended for foot traffic only?

Whirlochre said...

They're avoiding the all the homeless Jacks in their Concave Or Convex cardboard boxes...

fairyhedgehog said...

I love the podcast you've added to the post!

Whirlochre said...

I'm quite fond of it too.

It has something of the seal pup about it, the doleful kitten.

Peter Dudley said...

I am 100% certain that if my older son looked at this carpet, he would want it. Why? Because it would look to him like a battalion of desert camouflage Lego tanks all pointing to the right. (Not that he is right-leaning, mind you. I'm just helping you to see what he would see.)

blogless troll said...

Are you sure that's a rug? It looks more like a tapestry.

Whirlochre said...

Pete
Non-stop war action for you too, huh? Personally, I much preferred the Thomas the tank Engine phase, but i don't expect that's coming back any time soon — unless Son of Whirl gets addicted to trainspotting.

Troll
I got it from a rug website somewhere, but sadly no longer have the link.

Apologies to all who are inspired to order it.

Laurel said...

re: comment over at Moonrat

I love Sliding Doors!

Whirlochre said...

Also the Turn left (or is it Right) episode of Dr Who with Tennant & Tate...

Robin S. said...

I keep thinking about rug burn, for some reason. Just like FH.

Whirlochre said...

Maybe we've all hit on one of those universal psychological phenomena, like men thinking about sex every 15 seconds.

Perhaps, at some point in their lives, everyone spends a couple of things relating everything to rug burn. Happened late last night to the weathergirl on BBC1, as a matter of fact. She was reporting on how it had been the coldest winter for 30 years, and to expect temperatures in double figures next week, when she took a pause to examine her knuckles and tut, "hmmmph. Rug burn"

Personally, I think there's a market for the guy who played Rab C Nesbit to have his own cop show about an ageing detective who insists on reprising his youth by wearing a vivid ginger wig — complete with a newly aggravated chip on his shoulder about being ginger in the first place.

"Samatter, son? Youse got a problem with me being ginger?"
"Ho ho ho — no, I'm just laughing at your wig."
BIFF.

Rug Burn, the surly ginger detective.

It's a Channel 5 cert.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Pretty sure I failed. What score was required to pass the rug test?

Funny, Whirl. I was thinking poets, actually, like Robert Burns. Rug Burns would write... limericks? Flaming verse? Could be interesting...

Whirlochre said...

Oh yes, that's excellent. In addition to having a re-fuelled complex about being ginger, Rug is a would-be poet.

'If only I could get maeself published, then I could leave the polis...'

So, as he's on his rounds, maybe his thing is that he reveals his love poetry to the occasional female suspect only to have his heart broken when it turns out she's the killer — a bit like Morse did when he fell for the numerous choir masters, lecturers, and flower ladies who survived Colin dexter's unrelenting Oxford murder fest.

Question is — who's his sidekick? Any suggestions would be welcome...

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Doormat Boy?

No, wait; that's superheros...

Mmmmm...

Sergeant Reginald Wedge?

Whirlochre said...

Sergeant Reginald Wedge, of course. He of the ill-fitting 1950s string underpants.

Ma used to work in the factory. I've still got an attic full of them.

Came in handy on the Blackwood murder case...

Burn, sweating so heavily after a car chase in the August heat that his wig remains attached by only a single faux follicle, turns to Wedge and says, "I cannae go any further. I cannae arrest those boys. Wedge, there's something a heveta tell ya..."
"It's the wig, isn't it, Sir?"
"H...how in the hell d'ya ken that?"
"Intuition, sir. Meanwhile, we can't let those criminals escape. Here...you can use my bracks as a hairnet..."

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Ah, whirl. You make my heart go pitter-splat, and along with McKoala's "encouragement" to look ahead, rather than dwell on things (or ELSE) and Sylvia's red wine and chocolate, I think I may just survive my latest batch of 'No's.

(just for the record, I was tempted to type 'feck-off's there, but was afraid some people might find it offensive (recall the "fucking fairy" bruhaha) so I didn't.)

fairyhedgehog said...

M(R)p, I don't recall the "fucking fairy" brouhaha. Maybe it was before my time. Do tell.

I have a special interest in all things fairy and erinaceous. (I had to google that. Hedgehoggy didn't sound like a real word.)

Kerrie said...

Very nice but when can I have my rug back, the cats got a cold bum.

Robin S. said...

Onto songs and poets now, are we? For some reason that takes me back to the end of the 70's, whne someof the worst music EVER MADE IN AMERICA was being recorded. I refer, of course, to 'disco' and when I mix disco and rug burn (which somehow I do see having been mixed, polyester outfits and all, shoved up over asses), in my mind I hear "Burn baby burn...disco inferno..."

If you wanna laugh your ass off (rug-burned or not) here's the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_sY2rjxq6M

Mother (Re)produces. said...

What?! That's a classic! Roll up the rug and let's dance! Just listen to that brass.
Gotta get me a pair o' them shoes...

Mother (Re)produces. said...

oh, and FHH, no offence about the fairies; I was refering to my "New Beginning #685" on EE's site. reactions varied from shock to "what F-bomb?"

Middlekid just bought a handbag with an abstract hedgehog pattern all over it today- had to think of you and Kelly Link's "The Fairy Handbag."

fairyhedgehog said...

I do remember that. I suspect I was one of the ones saying "What f-bomb?"

The hedgehog handbag sounds intriguing.

Whirlochre said...

Thanks for contributing to the lively and intellectual debate, friends.

Just chipping in to say — HI — it's a busy, busy weekend.

And Hedgehoggy is a word now!

McKoala said...

Allow me to use it in a sentence.

'Soccer Boy's hair is so short and spiky that it's positively hedgehoggy.'

It's so lovely to be considered one of the intellectuals.

Whirlochre said...

Incidentally, McK, while I was visiting the Natural History Museum in London yesterday, I came upon a startling fact.

They don't stuff animals any more so all the koala exhibits were looking very greyed out and old teddy bear-like. What they did have, though, were some bones from the now extinct diprotodon, formerly the world's largest marsupial.

Google that one, and taste true fear...

McKoala said...

Oooh, you've met big bruv! He's a teddy bear, really. To koalas at any rate. Humans are snack food, obviously.

Robin S. said...

Hey, Mother Re! I'd love to see you do that dancing, girl!

I was one of those party poopers who absolutely insisted on sticking with rock (although I did think disco was fun to drive to, for some reason.)

Whirlochre said...

Disco is great to shave to.

Take note, furry ones...

fairyhedgehog said...

I'm glad I have prickles, not fur.

McKoala said...

Some marsupial fur has certain prickle-like qualities. Especially when they are annoyed.

fairyhedgehog said...

Beware the annoyed marsupial! She is terrifying!

Mother (Re)produces. said...

I feel left out. I should have picked a hairier, more threatening moniker.
FHH, I will post a picture of said handbag on my blog. Purely to satisfy your curiosity, of course, and absolutely not as a form of procrastination.

fairyhedgehog said...

M(R)P - I shall leap across to your blog and look at it now.

Whirlochre said...

Seeing these last few comments reminds me of that moment when you open the biscuit tin only to discover mice have nibbled the last of your Hob Nobs.

Mother Re is now linky dinked, and I'm heading on over there to follow...