Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Guest Blogger: The Yummy, Scrummy RUFUS

Looks like Shit-for-Brains is stuck for ideas.

I can always tell. He comes over all mawkish and mopish, drinks way too much of that weird brown milk.

His latest ruse (can you believe it) is trawling the internet for GUEST BLOGGERS. Ha! More fool him! Wily puss cat that I am, I managed to intercept the correspondence using my fish-enhanced feline cunning, and somewhere along the way discovered a great new cat dating site called Mog4Mog.

You heard it first here: CYBER ROMANCE BLOSSOMS.

So, here’s what I got from the delightful RUFUS...

To Geoff

I am in love with your elegant fur.

Let me lick you all over and seize you in carnal embrace

Forgetting that my wretched human has emasculated me

But at least you won’t get pregnant.

What do you say?

Baby, when you flaunt your gonads in that provocative way, what is there to say?

Okay, maybe
“Bejesus! Watch what you’re doing with that thing! You’ll have a poor girl’s eye out!” Corny, I know — but as chat-up lines go, that one never fails me.

You requested an answer, O tommish ginger one. And here it is...

To Rufus

I wandered lonely as a cat,

all promise of love, a dim hope.

Then you dangled your tackle before me.

O Rufus! Come on! Let’s elope!

Shit-for-Brains is away for a couple of days, so let’s talk about fish and mice and soft cushions in the comments trail, all you cats. And be warned, pesky humans — should you be foolish enough to intrude on our catly business, your words will be treated with scorn. Unless you’re Rufus’ Special Mummy. She’s allowed (but only just).


fairyhedgehog said...

Poor Rufus is ill at the moment. He's lethargic and won't eat; the vet said it's an infection and gave him an injection but I think he's lovesick. I'm expecting him to get better soon now that Geoff's agreed to elope with him.

Great post!

Bevie said...

Rufus is a cat you just want to reach out and hug - until you realize he's also a tough cat who may have been emasculated, but not declawed.

Geoff said...

Personally, I prefer the little grey ones.

Old Kitty said...

Been there, done that, licked it, seen it all..

The Cat (79 years old).


McKoala said...

Phew. Hot cat stuff. Wish I could catch the black one that runs through my garden. She looks like she'd be a lot of fun.


Bernita said...

Let me remind you, Cat, I'm bigger than you are.

sylvia said...

(I have goldfish. I don't think I should let them use the computer. So just nudge me when the pets hand the controls back to the owner)

Ann said...

Seems technology has invaded the cat world. A mouse just isn't what it used to be!

maybe genius said...

Oh, Kitty Love, the most fickle love of all.

This is delightful!

Geoff said...

Old Kitty
Hey — I'm a hundred and five, and I still get mistaken for a kitten.

I've just looked 'koala' up in my Encyclopaedia Kittanica and you sound mighty suspicious to me.

So be it! Consider your virtual stockings laddered, BIG LADY.

While you're waiting to be nudged, maybe you could let me have your address. I'm a dab paw with goldfish...

SFB did once have a furry one, but the hair kept clogging up the scrolling wheel.

Well said. We do, in fact, rock.

Kate said...

Finally! Cats! Help Me! This Kate person is NOT my owner! She just stole my likeness off Huffington Post and has been shamelessly accepting compliments regarding my adorableness with no one the wiser. She's eeeevil. And probably breaking some copyright/usage law.

But until that's sorted, I don't suppose you two might fancy a kinky threesome with an adorable kidnapped kitten of undetermined gender? Menage a suprise!

Rufus said...

Ménage à surprise sounds good to me!

Madison the Cat said...

Hah there Geoffie and Rufus,

Ah've been sleepin all day on my daddy's sahd of the closet, on his most comfy soft shoes and on a big shirt that kinda got forgotten when it fell offa hanger a whahl back.

Ah have ta say, I'm one damn good-lookin' girl with mah amber ahs and mah beaiutiful black coat, all shiny, and my bottle brush tail, always held high.

So, Rufus, honey, you all just remember that, ya hear?

Rutger Hauer's Tiger said...


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Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAHAH! This is all so random and so funny!

Secret Tabby said...

That's not a real mouse, come on!

Rufus said...

Hey Madison! So it's a foursome now then. Rowrrr!

McKoala said...

*sigh* Geoff, have you never hijacked the Brown Milk Drinker's blog when he's snoozing? If not, you're not half the cat I thought you were.

As well as the black sprinter, identical twin white cats live in the front garden next to me. When they're out lounging in the front garden...wheweee. Tempting.

Speaking of which...that Madison...just like her owner, hmmm?



Geoff said...

Anyone up for a spot of mouse talk?

Madison the Cat said...

Hmmmm Rufus. Menage a quatre sounds fahn ta me. (Get it - CATrrrr?!)

And yes, Mz. McK, like Mommy, like kitty cat. As ah always saaay.

Madison the Cat said...

Ah absolutely love killin mousies. Left mah Mommy two of 'em, killed deader'n doornails, late last fall. On the mat outsahd the front door. She said I was amazin'.

Any more talkin' you care to do, Geoffie? Mah Mommy has a snow day from work, and she's procrastinatin' on her editin'...

Bah the way, mah word ver is 'katchal'. That sounds just lahk mah Mommy's accent. And mahn.

Geoff said...

Hey, Madison — SFB is procrastinating so much, he's fed me three times since breakfast.

My best mice trophies, I keep on the skirting board behind the fridge. Makes a nice display.

Madison the Cat said...

Ah know what ya mean, Geoffie, about that procrastinatin' human stuff.

Mah Mommy is in the room where she gets a strong signal to blahg.

If she goes into this one back bedroom with a nice little sofa in it, and a writin' table, and a beautiful view of the back yard, all covered in snow...snd there are no mousies to bother her, and ah come and lay by her to keep her company....but she cain't get a signal to do her blahgin. So she's out here right now, bein' a wuss.

How about your human? Has he fed ya agin yet?

Rufus said...

My wretched slave won't let me out today no matter how much I yell. And she's giving me crap food from the vet instead of the real thing.

Not that she ever feeds me mice. I have to go and get those myself. And does she thank me?

Squeaksy O Rodent said...


Wrong "Mouse Club".

Madison the Cat said...

Don't cha just git so mad, Rufus, when the human slaves think they know best for ya? As IF!!!

And, uh, Squeaksy, honey, do you bah any chance live in northern Virginia? 'Cause if you do, maybe you'd lahk to come on over and play. Ah'm bored with all the snow we have here. I haven't bin able to go out and kill, I mean, play, with critters for a wahl now...

Squeaksy O Rodent said...

Too bad, evil kitty — I'm a Laos mouse...

McKoala said...

I had to have a baaaaath today! Ick, ick, ick. I hid under a chair, but They still found me.

I caught a rat once. Mummy wasn't happy. But I was.


Lisa said...

wow - never knew Rufus was so fiesty! Great job helping them type this post.