Tuesday, November 3, 2009

On The Couch With Sock Monkeys

WO: You little bugger!

SM: Tee hee hee.

SM2: And technically, it’s buggers...

WO: Technically — and actually — it seems, you duo of simian fiends.

SM2: I dispute that. Only one of us is a fiend.

SM: And with my missing arm, I’m only partially simian.

WO: Don’t split hairs with me—

SM: Okay, whaddya want us to split? Bananas?

SM2: Ba-dum Tiiish!

WO: You know what I’m talking about.

SM2: Ooooh. Simian, fiendish...

SM: ...and bizzarely telepathic!

SM & SM2: We could be the next Jedward.

WO: You could be the next Fucking Thumped Hard...

SM: Okay, okay, if you must know — we found your missing sock in the tumble drier.

WO: “we...?

SM2: While we were rehearsing.

WO: Dare I ask?

SM2: You may.

SM: Ssssh. Don’t tell him, don’t tell him. He pulls this great face when he’s angry. Like a horse with a thistle up its—

WO: What face?

SM: Your face.

SM2: Go on. Do it, do it.

SM: He almost is. Hee hee.

WO: You still haven’t answered my question. About the rehearsing. Hallowe’en is over and it’s still a long way to Christmas. What are you about to pull?

SM2: If you must know, we’ve formed a pseudo-ladyboy dance troupe.

SM: So our sessions will have to take a back seat for a while.

SM2: For an Italian celebrity TV show.

SM: Ssshhh! Don’t give it away!

WO: Ladyboys? I don’t get it.

SM: They already have two lots of monkeys.

SM2: And a puma.

SM: So we figured — put the boat out.

WO: Using my socks as sails, huh?

SM2: The Italians love that kind of thing.

SM: It’s the Vanilla & Strawberry Whip look.

WO: So you thought you’d just help yourself?

SM2: We thought it.

SM: We did it.

SM & SM2: We’re that kind of badass monkey duo.

WO: Okay. I’ll make you a deal. Seeing as I’m the one holding the bazooka—

SM: Shit! Where the hell did you get that?

WO: It’s a writer’s trick. And look here — a panzer tank!

SM2: Yipes! He means business.

SM: Okay, so what’s the deal?

WO: Eighty per cent of any prize money you win, with an option to terminate at any time if you attract the attention of the Pope with your lewd pseudo-ladyboy antics.

SM: Hey, who said anything about lewd?

SM2: Yeah. We’re a class act, us.

WO: Any antics, then.

SM: Hey, we’ve got to be allowed at least one antic.

SM: Too right. That puma can juggle underwater.

WO: Okay. One antic it is. But if the Pope so much as bats an eyelid, or Silvio Berlusconi becomes involved—

SM2: We get the idea.

SM: And anyway, time’s up, Big Boy.

WO: Hey. Since when was this a paid-for session? I only came in here looking for Geoff. Her tea’s ready.

SM: Ah. Geoff. Yes.

WO: What’s with the sheepish look?

SM2: We’re a mounted pseudo-ladyboy dance troupe...


fairyhedgehog said...

So you're featuring nudity on your blog now? There should be a parental guidance warning.

I nearly fell off my chair at the end. mounted pseudo-ladyboy dance troupe... indeed!

You just get better. I'm glad the sock is back.

Whirlochre said...

Finding that sock has made my week — even if the circumstances were somewhat unusual...

JaneyV said...

OK the laughing at this very nearly caused a pee-pee accident. Delighted that the wayward sock is back in the fold. The mounted lady-bit troupe is something that I can't wait to hear about.

Nice feet btw (and you gotta know I'm normally kinda creeped out by feet so that's a serious compliment.)

sylvia said...

SM2: If you must know, we’ve formed a pseudo-ladyboy dance troupe.

I'd pay to see this. Even without Geoff in the act.

Robin S. said...

Hey, we’ve got to be allowed at least one antic.

Ah....the idea of a singularantic!

In other news...I'm so glad you found that sock!! Also, cute feet!

Whirlochre said...

I consider it an honour to have nearly made you pee.

Do I need to start printing out tickets?

The Chinese once had a One Child policy so I figure One Antic is a luxury for those blasted monkeys...

McKoala said...

omg they are multiplying. When did I miss that?

Good news about the sock. Not sure about your progeny's future career, though. Discipline, Whirl, discipline. Although, they would probably enjoy it way too much.

Robin S. said...

I was lookin at your feet before, so I didn't notice how damn cute those monkey face are - please don't tell them it took me this long to 'see' them for the cuties they are.

Mary said...

Glad you found the missing sock! :)

Whirlochre said...

Me too!

Just in time for Winter.