Sunday, November 1, 2009

Mobbed By Undead Hordes

While Son-of-Whirl was out collecting all the gooey sweets that would subsequently compact inside his guts like a tumour the size of a horse, I manned the front door of Whirl Towers with my sackful of Haribo.

We never did this Trick or Treating lark when I was a nipper (and if truth be told, I never really nipped). The first time I came across it was in a Charlie Brown book — all that business with Peppermint Patty and the Giant Pumpkin. Gone are the days of Penny For The Guy and Bee Gees & Indians, it seems.

Anyhow, the trick with all of this, as I discovered, is NOT to have the sack of sweets in your hand when you open the door to the undead hordes mobbing your driveway. Keep them tucked away behind the curtain and reach over for one or two small bags from behind your anti-kid riot shield, I say. If you reveal the whole sackful at once, all those skeletons, cats, witches, ghouls, fiends and monsters DO NOT GO AWAY. They linger in the driveway, wailing like banshees, and texting like crazy, and before you know it, half the 5-11 year-old population of the country is banging on your front door with a lust for your wares to rival a flock of hungry swans descending on a picnic.

Next year, I’m going the whole hog with the horror theme and putting the little bastards to the sword...


Kerrie said...

You live and learn. My next door neighbour put out a Trick and Treaters welcome here sign, this made them wrongly asume that the whole area was a go go and we had to fight the little buggers of with a big stick.

Robin S. said...

Yeah- we had the cute little kids at first - the neighborhood kids. There are never more than 4 to 8 of them, because our houses are spread out.

BUT at around 8:00 pm came the cars with people bringing their kids from other neighborhoods. That hadn't happened here before, or at least, I wasn't home for it.
It was horrible (pretend I said that with a French accent). Freaking masses. And I had maybe 10 candy bars left, because I only buy one bag for my normal crew of 4 to 8 kittle kids that come by.

One little fuck stepped up halfway into the front door and stuck his hand down like he was gonna reach in my basket and grab what he wanted. What the fucking hell? Rest assured, that didn't happen.
Little asswipes.

I handed out the 10 or so pieces, one each, until I was on empty, and one kid said - "Only one piece?" I said, "Hey, kid, if you don't like it, give it back."

Halloween used to be a lot of fun. This year, after the cute little neighbor kids came by an dthe follow-on hordes tried their trompinh, I turned the both porch lights out and watched a movie.

fairyhedgehog said...

We were so lucky, Robin, ours were all quite sweet.

Robin S. said...

That IS lucky, FH. The way it should be! I miss that.

Whirlochre said...

Nice to see ASDA stocking those Big Sticks for £2.99.

Sounds like a heist.

writtenwyrdd said...

We're a bit out of town, and only had one child come by about 8:30. After that we shut off the porch light and, I'm ashamed to say, ate some of the swag ourselves.

I find that kids are generally well behaved in our area, but the parents drive them from door to door half the time. I just hate that. It both increases the risk to those walking (who are often hearing and sight impaired by costumes) and it continues the coach potato training these parents perpetuate by driving their kids three blocks to school every day.

Whirlochre said...

Hey — maybe you and I ought to get a petition going to horsewhip those irresponsible parents...