Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pimp My Knobs


According to the two brain training games I have installed on my phone, my powers of logical reasoning are diminishing fast.


The in-depth analysis shows this quite clearly.

On the left hand side of the graph (the past), I see the wobbly line of relative mediocrity; on the right (about ten minutes ago), the line gives way to a droopy parabola reminiscent of a floppy cucumber.

Shapes and patterns I can visualise all day, and no missing number, object or bunny-shaped icon is ever truly missing as far as I’m concerned. The problem is — why am I wasting my time training my brain in the first place? And training it for what exactly? Maybe it’s up the black hole of this particular conundrum that my logical reasoning has been so abjectly sucked.

Surely (he conjectured, rallying), the whole point of carrying this ten pound lump of stuff around with me all day is not so I can count up the various men, women, children, dogs, cats, iguanas and dinosaurs that zip between floors in imaginary lifts when prompted so to do, but so I can arrive with some regularity at workable conclusions drawn from questions concealed by the morass of distracting stimuli whizzing all around?

That said, I need a cup of tea and some cake...

14 comments:

ril said...

Being something of a technophobe, I prefer the old fashioned methods of training my brain. Spraying it with a water pistol if it starts to scratch the carpet; a swift tap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper if it gets a bit feisty; a nice little choccy treat if it does something good. So far, it only knows how to roll over and play dead. I'm trying to teach it to balance a cheque book.

Anyway, on to the important things: Jamaica Ginger, Rich Fruit, or a nice moist bit of Parkin?

blogless troll said...

Don't go looking for questions concealed by the morass of distracting stimuli. There's a reason they're concealed; it's for your own good. If you start to go wobbly again, try Tetris. It's very safe and there are no iguanas.

JaneyV said...

I do anagrams and soduko and sleep whenever possible.

And tea.

And cake/biscuits/chocolate.

Or chocolate biscuit cake.

Whirlochre said...

Ril
Fruit — moist and succulent as a submerged Emir's headpiece.

Trollsome
Is it me, or are Tetris and Pacman diametrically opposed in the world of hand/eye spazzmotronics?

Janey
I always suspected you were superhuman.

McKoala said...

My son forces me to do multiplication tables with him. I think he likes to share the pain. I'm connecting a few forgotten synapses in the process. As long as this doesn't continue as far as trigonometry. That's where I ran out of synapses completely.

writtenwyrdd said...

If those brain-training games helped me with the over-40 word retrieval problems I'd be all over them. As it stands, they are just enjoyable little games that waste time I could be doing something else.

Whirlochre said...

McKoala
Would it disturb you to discover that I can get quite excited about trigonometry?

And can ruin a day out at a pizza parlour with my protractorly shenanigans?

WW
Isn't that word retrieval thing just the biggest embarrassment ever, sometimes? For many years now I've referred jokingly to our dishwasher as a tumble dryer because I did once forget what it was called.

Makes you wonder, though — what's the one word (apart from variations on the expletive theme) that you would never want to find absent from your lips? For me, 'horse' is up there, and possibly 'scrumptuous'.

Anyone else?

PoliticsChick said...

Hah,

That's so funny. I've done those games when there was absolutely nothing else to do on one of those dull dreary days...

I found my diagnosis so funny and strange it somehow wound up in a novel i wrote.

Whirlochre said...

Greetings, Politics Chick

If you need any more diversions, there are normally plenty to be found here...

Robin S. said...

Brain games give me a headache. I can do the multiplication tables - but I sure as hell remember how much I hated memorizing them (McK - I think your son is spot on with sharing the pain).

On-Purpose Brain Games? Are you kidding me?!

My philosophy of life holds, among other things, that most of the minutiae is pointless anyway. Minute for a reason. Give me a good and many-layered novel any day, and I'll lose myself down in there and come up later, better for it and knowing more about life and what it means to be one pathetic human in the larger scheme of, yeah, the minutiae that passes for living than I ever was before.

So I say, down with brain games, and long live the power of a well-told story.

Robin S. said...

P.S. I love your post titles. Pimp My Knob. Indeed.

Whirlochre said...

I'm with you on not getting too bogged down in the details. The nit-pickers can take care of all that stuff.

McKoala said...

Actually Whirl the mere fact that you managed to install these things proves you still have a few brain cells left.

fairyhedgehog said...

On holiday I had severe internet withdrawal symptoms and my son lent me his DSI.

I love the game where you have to place little number tiles to form links. It only trains you to place small number tiles, which I have so far not found a use for in my everyday life. But I will!