Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Three Billy Goats Gruff (Part Two)

Regular visitors to this blog will know that from time to time, voice posts appear. Some of you even join in with the fun yourselves, and I believe a list will soon appear over at Robin’s blog.

In the past, we’ve covered kids’ stories, romance and extracts from our own work, but this time (as it’s a free-for-all), I’ve opted for breathing new life into a withered old cadaver.

This story dates from 1995, I think, though some of the spicier passages were added yesterday afternoon. It’s quite long for a short voice post, but as it’s a fable told in its entirety, I hope you’ll stick with it till the end.

As a bonus, I’ve also included a short movie below. In my original plan for this post, I opted to dress up as a weird storyteller gnome, in spite of Sir Anthony Sher’s assertion that drama is about revelation rather than disguise. This is not to diminish the truth of what he says — it’s just that I’ve got loads of great hats.

Sadly, from the very first take, it was clear this project was doomed to abject failure, so what you’ll see are the outtakes, knitted seamlessly together like the fibres of my fake beard and punctuated with spontaneous blasphemy.

(This is louder than the voice extract, so adjust your volume a notch before proceeding.)


blogless troll said...

Tits and sperm, you pisswank. I loved it.

Whirlochre said...

And rest assured you were not the troll in question.

Or a question — eg 'who's your favouritest troll'?

Robin S. said...

Oh Christ - that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I LOVE THIS! LOVE, I say.

(And I'm damn glad I didn't see the absolute glory of this before I did my little shebangy thing, babycakes!)

fairyhedgehog said...

That was wonderful, truly wonderful. I love the voice post and the video was hysterical.

I love your creative swearing. Spunk neck? Who else would ever have thought of it.

I haven't done mine yet. Now I'm not sure I can.

pjd said...

that... was hilarious.

Precie said...

Awesome! I granted myself 30 min of internet time this morning, and that was totally worth it!

Chris Eldin said...

OMG! I have to go to bed soon, so I can't keep watching all the takes... Just, yanno, this beard and ears will be in my nightmares, err.. dreams.


Whirlochre said...

Thanks all.

Pressed for time at the moment — almost as if I'm being ironed by Zeus himself as the sands of time slip through the hourglass tucked in his Grecian underpants — but I'll visit all of yours and comment later.

sylvia said...


I've not had a chance to wander around listening until now.

I can't stop laughing. The outtakes were a master touch!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Oh my. I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here and listen to this. I have to say the video is worth the price of admission. What? Oh it's free. Right. Well. Um. It's good. Really.