Sunday, August 9, 2009

Pecked To Death By The Welsh

Convinced beyond all reasonable doubt that the flora and fauna of this world are out to get me, I return from a weekend away in Wales to the safety of Whirl Towers nursing more bites about my person than Christopher Lee administered during his entire stint as Dracula.

It’s nice having friends who own a Caravan In The Country, but if I’m ever resurrected as an insatiably megalomaniacal fascist dictator, I shall insist said caravan opportunity comes complete with an opt-out clause for the country that invented the cloud of flesh-chomping gnats.

I have fourteen bites on my back alone! Fourteen!

Had I been parading half-naked between the dafad and the amaethdy, I might not have minded being thusly pecked, but as it was, I had an inch-thick waif-hewn Primark T-shirt on, and the bastards still managed to thrust their nibble tubes through the fabric.

So now I look like a 3D dot-to-dot picture inspired by Edvard Munch.

Grieve for my hapless flesh.


Robin S. said...

So NOW you make it to Wales, eh? Did ya plan hard on being there when we weren't being there? That's what ya get then, boy-o. Bugged up.

Items as food for thought beyond the skin on your Whirliness:

1 - My step-daughter and her family just bought a caravan. You may have seen them this weekend (and of course, the opposite applies) without knowing. You guys woulda laughed your asses off had you gotten together.

2 - Next year I'm spending several days (finally) learning to drive the British way during a week when we're in Wales. My suggestion would be to avoid the Gower during that week, as I've been known to hurt roadside shrubbery.

3 - Next year, we really all do need to get together, somehow. And it doesn't have to be in Wales, in August, which is, apparently, Bug Time.

P.S. JB got a kick outta this post.

McKoala said...

Sounds like your back looks like the picture of Conan's offspring.

fairyhedgehog said...

I'm wondering what it is about you that is so attractive to bugs. I thought they usually liked sweet, young flesh.

Whirlochre said...

Maybe it's my fern-like antennae, my plates of shimmering chitin and my Jiminy Cricket tiepin.

Got it in one.

Hurting roadside shrubbery isn't difficult when the sides of the road are less than a foot apart like they are in most parts of El Gocho.

writtenwyrdd said...

We get lovely clouds of what are called no-see-'ems (gnats or black flies, take your pick) but the worst ones by far are the ones I 'met' in Georgia, whose feet put off a chemical that burns/itches your skin when they land on you. The itchiness is horrible.

I hope you recover from your bug bites soon.

Whirlochre said...

Great news — MGM rang me this morning asking if they can use my flesh as the basis for CGI effects in The Fly IV.