Friday, May 29, 2009

Iron Deficiency? Or Just Plain Bored?


There must have been many moments in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bodybuilding career when he found himself at a loss after weeks and weeks of pumping, wondering why his exercise regimes, intake of Joe Weider’s sweat, and games of naked volleyball with a succession of Miss Austria contestants, resulted in so disappointing a Throbbing Sinew to Vital Organ ratio.


Having surveyed the progress of my cactus, I have some insight into the emotional mindset of said flexing Potential Governor of California in his 70s heyday.

Sadly, my two emergent blooms seem to have shrivelled up, and while they haven’t disappeared entirely, I can’t see any way of enticing them out other than by serenading them with Son of Whirl’s guitar, drizzling the entire plant with steroid cream from when I had a rash on my foot, or popping it in the bathroom window where it’s sure to get plenty of sun and moderate affection from Geoff.

Anyone got any hot cactus tips?

This image may be both copyrighted and ridiculous.


9 comments:

Aerin said...

steroid cream for your...foot?






uh-huh. sure.

Whirlochre said...

OK, so I changed the anatomical location to protect the innocent — whoever they are...

Ello said...

I am a world renowned cactus killer. aCtually I am a killer of all plants. The only advice I can give you is not to listen to anything I say. good luck!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Massage? Can't have these things shrivelling up and dropping off - it wouldn't look good.
Sx

Whirlochre said...

Ello
Phew, thank heaven you're not a fully fledged cactus slayer...

Scarlet
Oh for a universe where streamlining and bobbly bits weren't so mutually exclusive...

writtenwyrdd said...

I suggest you ensure it has nice sandy soil so it drains well and water very sparingly. Also, more sun. I doubt very much you have the ideal sun in your neck of the woods, but that's generally all the care tips I've needed. Except perhaps fertilizer for cacti?

Aerin said...

*trying very very hard not to comment on the fertilizer reference*

Whirlochre said...

Thanks for the tips, WW.

One thing I must do straight away is mix some sand into the compost. Not only will this help out with cacatal drainage issues, but it may save me having to mix a load of cement tomorrow if I can prove to G-o-W there's insufficient desert material left in the bag.

(Cracked patio slab, btw. She wants it fixed, I want somewhere to grow some heather.)

JaneyV said...

Listen to WW. My advice would be to ignore it for another two years.

I'm afraid plant killing is one of the many things I have in common with Ello.