Saturday, April 25, 2009

Life, Abundant Spray

In the weeks following my Dad’s death, we had so many bouquets and sprays dotted around the place, the whole house smelled of piss. Sounds horrid, I know, and maybe it’s just me with my sensitive nose, but there’s definitely a critical mass for all things floral. One minute, everything smells of roses (groan), but one emergent bud later, the scent of the world becomes distinctly urine-like. I can’t walk past sweet peas without wondering what foul creature has squirted the contents of its bladder closeby.

But I digress. This isn’t a post about my nose. Or even piss. You may dab the sweat from your brow and remove your head from the oven.

So: flowers. All around. And, being mortal like my Dad, one by one they withered, and got rearranged into ever smaller bunches until the last bare stems were thrown to the worms (to whom I shall return in a later post. All you need to know for now is that they ate Conan).

Apart from one bizarre specimen.

It’s a leaf rather than a flower. Purely decorative (in a bouquet of decorative flowers, I know), it looked like a scale from an elven emperor’s armour and I popped it in a jug of water in the study, expecting it to brown along with everything else. But as I snook downstairs this morning to silence Geoff’s incessant meaowing (with cat food, note — not a brick), it occurred to me that, ten weeks on, it’s still there.

Given all the rot that was written about this year at the end of the last, this both amuses and pleases me.

And — not a whiff of wee wee.

Apologies for the darkness of the picture. It was taken in England.


Chris Eldin said...

Nice story! I'm glad it wasn't about urine. Really glad.

Kiersten said...

First: Loved the last line.

Second: Your "Icon signifying nothing" made me laugh out loud.

Whirlochre said...

Knew I could rely on you to go looking, Kiersten...

writtenwyrdd said...

Some plants smell like piss to me, too, but not to anyone else. Some people are different, I guess.

Sorry about your Dad, Conan, and the unfortunately sensitive nostrils.

By the way, are you trying to scare everyone with the mysterious Dark Lord glarey picture? Nice. Needs the glaring eyeball effect (or red glowey bit) though.

Whirlochre said...

I thought I'd go with something a little more cheery than the multicoloured one till I can find a better fit for the new margins.

Glad I'm not the only one with Piss Nose.

Bevie said...

Three columns now! Cool!

Like how you only give one choice on your vote. (Kind of like American politics.) My only issue is that I have an old monitor which darkens everything. But that's my problem.

freddie said...

I don't have Piss Nose, but I'm not particularly fond of the scent of flowers. I do like the smell of a lot of herbs, though.

Robin S. said...

So is it rooting, the leaf?

I'm with you, by the way. I hate having masses of cut flowers from funerals or any other places in my house. I either give them away or throw them away.

to silence Geoff’s incessant meaowing (with cat food, note — not a brick) lucky Geoff!

Whirlochre said...

Sadly, my old 22" CRT iiyama died before Christmas. You can't beat the colour on a TV tube. Had my flatscreen for a few months and it still feels like someone is standing behind me shining a torch.

Well done on the nose.

Oddly, no, the leaf isn't rooting. It's just soaking up water and not dying.

JaneyV said...

I find a lot of flowers smell like wee - chief among them are daffodils which I urge people NEVER to pick and put in vases. I find the pong offensive. The other one that gets me is the smell of lilies which, although beautiful, make my eyes water and my nose run like a leaky tap.

Today is my wedding anniversary and my lovely Hubby gave me an enormous bunch of roses and … lilies. I was a bit miffed that after 17 years together (13 of them married) he didn't realise what these flowers would do to me. Then I figured it out - he doesn't know which flowers lilies are. Bless.

I think that leaf is a yucca.

Whirlochre said...

Yucca sounds like too nice a word for it.

And — Happy Anniversary.

sylvia said...

All these people describing plants smelling like wee and I've never noticed.

Either you are all crazy or - rather horrifyingly - I smell like wee and thus don't notice it on plants.


Whirlochre said...

That's a horrible thought. I'm spraying myself with furniture polish just in case...