Saturday, March 28, 2009

Sock Monkey: The Doomsday Scenario Is Here

In spite of his age, sex and ability to wield a variety of weapons from sticks, camping knives and light sabres, Son of Whirl is rather partial to his cuddlies.

Every Saturday morning, when I drag him from his room to hoover the carpet and de-underpant the bookcase, I’m met by torrents of cuddly toys the moment I open the door. It’s like that scene in The Shining, where blood gushes into the corridor — only, instead of blood, it’s an avalanche of bears, owls, bats, penguins and other foam-stuffed beasts, spewed onto the landing by a bedroom that can’t take it any more. Stephen King knows nothing of true unspeakable horror.

And now there’s a new addition to this heap of faux fur.

Now there’s Sock Monkey

As you can see, said hosiery chimp has taken up pride of place on my desk. Partly this is because if he crosses the threshold into Son of Whirl’s Domain of Doom, he might just be the straw to break the camel’s back and put out the side of the house into next door’s yard — even though he’s a monkey, and nothing to do with lumpy denizens of the desert. Also, it’s because I love him. I’ve cuddled Sock Monkey to my bosom so much since he was conjured into being last night by Girly of Whirly that one of his arms became detached as we lay together in the moonlight.

But here’s the thing.

It turns out that Sock Monkey is a Replicator from an alien dimension. And with one glare of his beady button eyes, he can charm humans into creating more of his kind.

The world will not end in a blaze of fireballs, my friends.


scarlet-blue said...

Ha... I'm off to make a sock puppy... [not a monkey]...

Kiersten said...

I find a torrent of stuffed animals far preferable to a wave of blood.

Much easier to get out of the carpet and whatnot.

Also, I think it's adorable that Son of Whirl (and apparently Father of Son of Whirl) still loves them.

Aerin said...

I find a torrent of stuffed animals far preferable to a wave of blood.

Wait, we have a choice?

moonrat said...

i didn't realize there was anyone else being tormented by a stuffed monkey. you know about my rally monkey, right? he makes my life MISERABLE.

Whirlochre said...

If you follow the monkey link, there are instructions on how to make an elephant, too. It's a whole world of wonder out there for people with excess hose.

We're cuddly mad in this household. I still have my dear old Fludo from when I was tiny tiny tiny. He's an old dog, and may in fact be Sweep from Sooty & Sweep (this will mean nothing in your sunny climes, so see To be honest, I can't tell because he got so worn my Mum had to knit him extra layers. He's lost an eye and looks very very spooky. But (sniff)...(sniff)...I miss my dear old Jumbo. He was my favourite cuddly. My big friendly elephant. I remember the night I lost him. My Dad picked me up from the childminder and we made our way home in the snow, and when we got in, I looked down to my dear dear Jumbo to find that all I was holding was his ear. Dad went out in the snow but it was no good. Sniff. Sniff, sniff.

In the netherworld that exists between the plane of gore and the plane of stuffed animals, whole galaxies spiral...

It's a niggling form of torment, like I'm doing it deliberately to annoy myself. Soft masochism — and, mainly because of his wonky grin.

JaneyV said...

He looks a bit like Nev from CBBC only without the bite in his ear. Daughter, who is of a similar age to SoW is also teddy mad. I have had ample opportunities to cull the flock but I can't bring myself to do so. I worry that they'll be sad. (Seriously - you think I'd have grown out of the "toys have feelings too" syndrome - but there's always a chance....)

Whirlochre said...

(Seriously - you think I'd have grown out of the "toys have feelings too" syndrome - but there's always a chance....)


Oh no! Don't tell me it's the Santa thing all over again...