Friday, March 6, 2009

Briefly McPiefly, The Flatulent Scottish Laird


It’s a sunny Friday morning and I’m tucked up in bed with a pint of tea, a couple of kilos of Geoff — and my laptop. It’s the final furlong of my WIP, the Chapter That Will Not Be Written, but in spite of that I’m a good 500 words in already and I haven’t needed to stop for marmalade. To quote Kevin Spacey: what a smarmy fucker I am. No — that was the interview with Jonathan Ross. What was it he said in American Beauty? Oh yes. “I rule.”


Funnily enough, what seems to be holding me up at the moment is my thoughts about the next project. When I began being visited by the phantoms of my current WIP (too long ago for me to admit to), I was embroiled in circumstances which left me (and I’ll quote my Mum here, bless her) “with no time to wipe my own arse”, and though I have a few diary entries that hint at my then desire to flesh this one out when all this is over (along with a reference to the proposed title), I have no conscious recollection of actually thinking about it at all. It all went on in the background, it seems, until one night, when I sat myself down in a pub to guzzle some celebratory beer, and I wrote out some notes on a sheet of A4. I still have that page and it turns out to highlight the bare bones of my current plot, along with most of the major players. No idea how that happened.

This time, it’s different. Thanks to Natalie*, I’ve been thinking about elves, and a book I planned to write in 1994 (which I’d presumed was as dead and buried as Curt Cobain’s hopes for 1995) has suddenly sprung to life and I’m getting so terribly excited I’ve had to go shopping twice this week for those absorbent pants the Queen Mum used to wear.

But I digress. Back to the ending...


* Cue trumpet fanfare, cartoon animals and more ice cream than you can eat.

27 comments:

writtenwyrdd said...

Well at least you have something to occupy you when you have finally finished project #1.

I get so distracted by ideas, it became the reason I post idea posts on the blog: so I can get them out of my system.

Whirlochre said...

And at the moment, it's the reason why I'm not keeping up with everyone's blogs.

I may need to do some travelling about later.

And if anyone is after clues, I'm fairly sure the rhino isn't Kiersten...

JaneyV said...

I can't get my head around my WIP either I have the plots for about four others swirling around in my consciousness, getting in the way.

We're like little cosmic twins Whirl - I'm on me bed, Macbook on lap, 25 kilos of dog at my feet, having drunk a vat of tea.

Me, that is - I've drunk the tea. Though god knows she would if I offered it to her.

Have you noticed that the more tea you drink the perilously closer you get to needing such undergarments as the Queen Mum's (Gawdblesser) absorbent bloomers?

Onward now! The sunshine, the birds and my daily constitutional await.

Whirlochre said...

If they have another car boot at the palace, watch out for those Queen Mum bloomers.

With the right size bamboo cane, you could make a decent summer teepee for the pooch. I did something similar for Geoff last year, only she mistook it for a wood pigeon and tore it to pieces.

JaneyV said...

I fear that any attempt at a teepee would be chewed, swallowed, digested and left on the lawn for me to bag and tag.

I'll look out for Ye Royale Boote Sale. The things you learn about on 'tinernet. 'Smarvelous.

Natalie said...

This constantly happens to me, as evidenced by my, uh, nine (is it NINE now?) books/WIPs.

And I get so excited by the next big idea I don't edit the last like I should most of the time. I'm a perpetual first drafter.

I'm trying to curb my habit right now with the awesome revisions on ninjas...but there's this invisible girl talking to me (yes, an imaginary character that's literally invisible. She's invisible invisible. [I AM insane, I know.])

Anyway, don't let the siren's song lead you away from that last chapter!

Kiersten said...

Ha! Fairly sure, huh? Little do you know about my childhood on the African Savannah...

Also, how exciting! A new idea! Finish this one. Then ignore the rest of us and dive in.

Whirlochre said...

Right at the moment, my priority seems to be to locate a bathtub full of soothing warm water.

I've just stubbed my toe on a chair and it's already come up in a bruise the size of Rutland.

JaneyV said...

Cold pack on the bruise first to stop the swelling. When it starts to throb later have some ibuprofen to hand. Poor you!

JaneyV said...

Cold pack on the bruise first to stop the swelling. When it starts to throb later have some ibuprofen to hand. Poor you!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Ow! I hate stubbing toes.

Finish yours, please. I'm trying to finish mine, too. And, like Natalie, I have a lot more WIPs started that can become a major distraction.

Good Luck - with the ending and the toe!

Whirlochre said...

Hey Janey — you think I can get out of the bedroom? I've got to wait for the swelling to go down before I can get my foot through the door.

And glad to hear you're multipy-WIPed, Sarah.

Chapter 2 may feature as a voice post next week.

Robin S. said...

Congrats on seeing that end in sight. Mine went on a while as well. And my second started creeping in. It's weird, isn't it - when a part of your mind already knows it's time to move on, but the rest doesn't think you're ready.

Whirlochre said...

I get that all the time, Robin — especially with the captives in the cellar.

McKoala said...

I did tell you about the editing thing, it's just that none of you listened. *sigh* Story of my life.

Good to hear the writing monster has its claws into you, as well as me. Between us we'll slash you to nothing, babe. *evil laugh*

Good to see you progressed in your editing and didn't spend all day hanging round on your blog responding to comments...

Whirlochre said...

Hey, sorry for not listening McK. I'd love to say 'I'm all ears' just to make up, but of course, that was my previous life as an elephant. And what a blog that was.

Anyhow, back to my favourite death scene...

JaneyV said...

...which is that "editing counts" right?

Sorry I wasn't listening properly - too busy hanging about on my blog all day answering comments.

Whirlochre said...

It's a nightmare, though I may succumb to hanging out at EE's comments later.

Much, however, will depend upon my imminent foray into my computer case. It's another of those 'everything out, everything in' scenarios, and I've only got Dave the trusty Philips screwdriver to help me...

JaneyV said...

Eeek! Whirl is getting tooled up....

Whirlochre said...

Hey — and if that's not exciting enough for you, come back in April when I take on a whole ten yards of unruly hedge packing a Black & Decker trimmer and a sun hat...

JaneyV said...

Well as you're so durn handy can you pop round and sort out the Leylandii at the bottom of my garden.

Sunhat optional due to the fact that the bloody trees block all the light anyway.

Whirlochre said...

I may be packing, but I'm not necessarily handy. Most likely, I'll have both my arms off.

JaneyV said...

Well we could just drink tea then....

Whirlochre said...

Only if you pour. And lend me a straw.

JaneyV said...

Certainly! I'll be mother... no slurping with that straw.

Ah well I suppose I'd better write something before the sun rises in Australia.

Robin S. said...

Hey. You're missing April so you can trim a hedge??????? Hmmmph.

McKoala said...

Back to work!