Saturday, February 28, 2009

It's True: Both Of Them! Completely Bust!

Looks like I’ve inadvertently wandered into a Meme Situation thanks to being the fifth person to comment on
the latest post over at Scarlet Blue’s blog.

I had intended to give up memes for good as they bring me out in a rash (typically of florid behaviour), but as this one is intended to help its victims flag up ten true facts about themselves (and I’m such an inveterate fantasist), I simply couldn’t resist it. Plus, nothing remotely interesting is happening in my life at present so what choice do I have? Unless I embrace it as a welcome opportunity to generate a blog post, I shall be forced to hold up a nearby convenience store or inflate my next door neighbour’s dog with a bike pump just for something to write about.

So here goes.

Like Scarlet, I’m not ginger. Neither am I a minger. But I am a pretty good singer. And I own a great sink plunger.

I don’t like bananas or all that insecty, flea-like, scrabbling, chitinous, yucky, antennoid filth they call “sea food”.

My favourite member of Take That is all of them. In a sealed metal box buried deep below Pluto.

I have never rubbed a buzzard the wrong way up and no buzzards have ever rubbed me.

I can beat anyone in the world at Yahtzee.

When aliens land and threaten mankind with extinction unless a champion is found to complete a thousand impossible tasks chosen (amidst clamours of blubbery-lipped laughter) by their evil, tentacled emperor, and one of those tasks happens to be saying the alphabet backwards followed by the letters arranged according to frequency of appearance in English in under thirty seconds, then the human race may be in with a fighting chance if it’s me that gets picked — though if there’s any actual fighting, we’re fucked.

Right now, from my study window, I can see a kid bouncing on a trampoline (Bonkers! It’s freezing!), a badly trimmed holly hedge (not mine), and a fluffy cactus I really ought to re-shave.

I own two vacuum cleaners, both of which are currently broken.

If my skin suddenly rotted away and I sprouted fungi, developed Tourette’s syndrome and doused myself in a cocktail of Lynx body spray and labrador sweat, I can think of at least three pubs within walking distance that would probably still serve me.

Bitter experience has taught me that nothing kills a conversation quicker than the phrase pre-op transvestite.

So, now I’m all truthed and memed out for the next year or so, it’s over to the fifth commenter on this post (should it attract such attention) to pick up the baton and run with it.


JaneyV said...

Ok I think I'm in with a chance of avoiding the dreaded meme if I get in before all the Americans wake up.

I don't know how to play Yatzee so I expect you could probably beat me. When the aliens land and the fighting starts I'll be under my bed googling "How to avoid being liquidized by aliens". I'm afraid I'm utterly lacking in alphabet gymnastic skills but I can tell you all the 42 phonic actions for the Jolly Phonics reading scheme - just in case you need a side-kick/back-up plan in the fight to save us from blue-lipped invaders.

Always good to get to know you Whirl! Maybe one day we could hear you sing....

freddie said...

Well, if no one else has commented, it looks like I'm home-free.

Natalie said...

Wow, those alphabet skills are phenomenal, now we just need to train you in short sword.

I've learned that most kids will take a chance on the trampoline if it's clear of snow. No matter if it freezing or boiling outside.

Aerin said...

I think I'm only #3 - and this is the most gambling I ever do. Meme or no meme. I'm breathless in anticipation. Or something.

JANEY! SINGING! Let's do that as the next Voice-Record-Thing!!!!!

Kiersten said...

Yes, I vote for singing the alphabet backwards and then stating the letters in the frequency they appear for the next voice thing.

This was great, Whirl ; )

writtenwyrdd said...

Funny stuff, Whirl.

Whirlochre said...

Oddly enough, after Aerin's comment, I was going to flag up the approaching 5th post, but held back at the very last minute, having seen the fatal flaw in my plan.

So, Kiersten is 5th, and may play if she wishes.

Actually, for heaven's sake, anyone can. Since when was I The Law?

Kiersten said...

I imagine anyone who reads my blog already knows far, far more about me than they want to...I'll think about it though.

And I believe you've been The Law since you saved the world from alien invasion by beating them at Yahtzee.

Whirlochre said...

Crikey — has footage of my infamous Aces & Kings full house against the Gruelslurper Maximus of Peshruar made Youtube?

Kiersten said...

I downloaded it as one of those spiffy free screensaver things.

Whirlochre said...

In spite of the strobe light warning?

Next, you'll be wrestling female operatives to the ground...

Robin S. said...

Nobody memes like you meme, babycakes.

Hopefully, on #6, you can do the backwards alphabet tango and they'll think to ask me to do the fighting, bazooka in hand.I have good fighting potential, having been the neighborhood mean ass in an earlier life. Could be a fun combo. Maybe a movie. I'm trying to think up a good title, actually.

#9 One of the many, many reasons why I truly and deeply love Britain.

Kiersten said...

Only if they don't do a good enough job of cleaning my toilet.