Friday, February 6, 2009

For All Your Snowman Construction Needs, Call Whirl & Son, Carrot Inserters To The Stars


Aware though I am that a marauding koala claw could come swiping from under the mouse mat at any moment, I’ve continued to add very few new words to my novel today, preferring instead to chop away at my 200-odd footnotes — correcting spellings, amending inappropriate words, checking things for consistency etc — and build a snowman with Son Of Whirl.


(Actually, I did this yesterday, but I’m hoping to fool McKoala and buy myself a day’s grace. Cunning, huh?)

Wrapped up in so many layers we could hardly move, S-O-W and I waddled out into the snow, and by the time we’d rolled out the body, both of us were sweating so much we might as well have been in a Turkish bath with a selection of perspiring Turks.

Constructing the basic shape was easy enough, largely due to the instructions in the manual that fell out of the sky being impeccably clear (and in English), and even attaching the head to the body presented no problemo. Where we came a cropper, was the nose. I suspect our carrot may have been slightly faulty (or possibly not properly plugged in), but even so, it took several attempts to get it to stay in without drooping down or falling off. At one stage, we had to completely reconstitute the snowman’s face a la Whacko after an enthusiastic gouge removed half of its skull.

When we’d finished, we glowed with an Isembard Kingdom Brunel sense of satisfaction. Remarkable, really, when you consider what a shite snowman it actually was...

17 comments:

JaneyV said...

The Daughter and Small Son were very busy and built one out the front of the house complete with Daughter's old hat, scarf and mittens and a carrot and one out the back garden. However having run out of suitable sticks, vegetables and old clothing they decided to amend the usual snowman design and built a snow Dalek - complete with nobbly bits and plunger. Work of art really.

fairyhedgehog said...

It looks a fine snowman to me. I take it S-O-W took the interestingly angled photo?

Whirlochre said...

I wish I'd had a sink plunger to hand. S-O-W added a huge wooden penis moments after the photo was taken.

Kiersten said...

Oh it's adorable. And I'm glad the picture was pre-enhancement.

Meanwhile I'm stuck in this eternal season and it's seriously throwing my system out of whack, as I keep stressing out that the kids need sandals and summer clothes--AND IT'S FEBRUARY.

fairyhedgehog said...

S-O-W added a huge wooden penis moments after the photo was taken

Brilliant!

McKoala said...

*click click click*

That's the sound of Koala Claws in your hallway, mate.

McKoala said...

*click click click*

That's the sound of Koala Claws in your hallway, mate.

McKoala said...

That's not a snow man, that's a snow toddler.

writtenwyrdd said...

You can't go wrong with a carrot. Um, that sounded bad...

At any rate, carrot for a nose, nodding in agreement. But removing half the head with it implies brute force on your part, lol. Were you by any chance a bit irritated?

Is that the back of your head or S.O.W.'s head in the photo?

writtenwyrdd said...

Just read the phallus addition comment. I hope you got a picture of that. You know, for when a girlfriend is around to embarras S.o.W. with it, ;)

Whirlochre said...

That's me. S-O-W provided the jaunty angle. He's annoying like that.

Dave King said...

Wonderfully Whacky!

freddie said...

Hah. Sounds like you guys had a great time.

Robin S. said...

I love the title of this post, and was ust runnning down to the bottom of the words to pop a note on and say, urm, "I love the title of this post" when I saw the picture. A whole, entire picture.
You actually exist, and you even (sorta) have a face! Cool. I mean, I saw the darling kilty legs and the afar shot in Scotland, but this one is real, carrot insertion technique and all. Wish you'd taken a shot of that plunger photo. That and the 'jaunty angle' tell me that S of W is a chip off of...you know, the old block.

And...better watch those koala claws, boy-o.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I bet the snowman was just happy to exist! Despite noses and other bits... ;-)

Whirlochre said...

Greetings, Vanilla.

He's been subsumed into Version Two — a bigger model with tin cans for eyes — but he seems happy enough.

On a related matter, I'm sure a proportion of the atoms comprising my right hand have been used before in a similar arrangement, possibly those of a concert pianist possessed by the devil, if my typing technique is anything to go by today.

Mary said...

There’s nothing like building a cute snowman with your own two hands! But snowmen were much easier in the olden days, when their makers had a ready supply of coal -- the best material for a snowman’s features. Golden rule: Carrots for donkeys, coal or coke for a snowman’s nose. ;)