Thursday, November 27, 2008

As Soon As I Get Hold Of One Of Those Vengeance-Enabling Devices Of Doom, Vengeance (Bwa-ha-haaar) Will Be Mine!

Today is supposedly Thanksgiving.

In the fictional world of America — a place to which I have never been, but have heard much tell — people are reputedly behaving in a cheery manner.

Not so, I.

My plans for this week had been as follows.

1) Emerge from dungeon at Whirl Towers clutching juicy new completed manuscript.
2) Throw off clothes and dance.
3) Treat faithful cat to slap-up feed of salmon/trout/horse from a tin of Special Food For Cats costing over two quid.

Is this what happened this morning? No. I flung open my eco-friendly bamboo trapdoor to find my entire Chez Moi had been turned into a theme park for scratch marks, cat pee and mangled rodents. And my blog! Hijacked! By cats! Fortunately for Geoff, she wasn’t around when I emerged, otherwise new and criminal uses might have been found for the Pruning Shear And Golf Ball set my cousin bought for me last Christmas. But I’ll fix that varmint. Mark my words.

So. Manuscript news. Now there’s an improvement, you see. It’s now a manuscript rather than a WIP. Even though it’s not finished yet. How’s about that for positive thinking?

I was hoping for 80,000 words by this stage, but as things stand, I’m happy to take 72,000. Why? Because I’ve revised the ending, and though it’s not at all straightforward ploughing through it all without the internal editor riding on my back cracking his whip so I don’t miss out any important plot nuances, it’s tons better than Version One. A small price to pay, methinks, for being two months behind schedule when many of my fellow writers have spent the whole of November churning out 50,000 words for Nanorimo.

(Yep. That ought to fool the Deadline Cops.

So, December beckons like a wonderland of snow, debt and panic, and of three things we can be certain.

1) Santa will visit each and every one of us, clutching his sack of toys and gifts, dressed like a true benevolent weirdo.
2) Geoff’s punishment will be severe and possibly of an infinite duration.
3) The last 8000 words of my novel will be fuelled by the ridiculous volumes of interesting whiskys I consume without shame at this time of year.

Maybe when I'm done, I can get on composing songs for my trumpets-only musical...


JaneyV said...

Yay! You're back! I missed those eyes peering at me (although they look mightily pissed off - I wouldn't want to be Geoff).

I am so glad you now have a manuscript - it makes the incarceration worth while. I have done no writing at all since the first week. I still languish in the pit of troublesome scene changes being whipped by my inner editor. Well done for ploughing through - you're like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape. (I'm like Donald Pleasance, scrabbling around in the dark "Take me with you … I can see perfectly…"

May the last whisky-fuelled 8000 be perfection.

Yay! Whirl's back!

Whirlochre said...

you're like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape


Revving my mighty motorbike and launching it off the side of the hill only to become entangled in the barbed wire of Nazi captivity?

Beating the same old ball of plot material up against the same old brick wall?

Or patiently biding my time till I can brave the nightmare of a flaming skyscraper with Fred Astaire skipping merrily by my side?

Kiersten said...

Hooray! That is truly exciting. And go easy on poor Geoff; she was probably just so thrilled with your progress she expressed it in the only ways available to one of the feline persuasion.

But really, truly wonderful! Hip-hip-Haloumi!

Robin S. said...

Hey! Sounds like you've just about cracked it!

Hope I'm working my ass off to be right behind you. Edits take longer than actually writing - this really sucks, but what can ya do?

Anyway, happy turkey day!

Whirlochre said...

There are happy turkeys? Today?

Me, I'm tucking into pesto later. Yum yum.

JaneyV said...

No! I mean like Steve McQueen in that you refuse to have your spirit broken in the face of adversity! That you kept plugging away regardless. That you may be incarcerated but your mind is always free....The man is the epitome of cool Whirl!

McKoala said...

I might have to miss Geoff.


just got blog back up and running. i posted a few pics from Halloween night. check it out when you get some time
stay true~

Whirlochre said...

A shameless plug, but I like pumpkins.

Question is — which film did Steve McQueen say this in?

As for Geoff, I'm sure she will return. For some of us, she never left.

McKoala said...

As long as Geoff isn't turning on the spit in place of the turkey...

Hm. I wonder if after all those eggs Cool Hand Luke fancied a spot of pumpkin.

Whirlochre said...

Extreme cuddly avatar wahoo, McK.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Cool Hand Luke played by Paul Newman before the role inspired him to market his own brand of gloopy sauces to the world?

I did once know a bloke who tried out the boiled eggs thing at work for a bet. No idea how many he managed, but I can confirm he was sick for a week.

JaneyV said...

Ok I'm stumped - what movie was it?

Whirlochre said...

Bullit — but the words were drowned out by the car chase.

JaneyV said...

You know - I haven't seen that one in years! Except the car chase. I've definitely seen that recently.
And of course there was this which is it's own kind of brilliant.

McKoala said...

Ooops. One blond actor looks the same as another to me.

writtenwyrdd said...

Glad you're back, Whirl. May you finish the MANUSCRIPT soon (and then get on to revisions, bwahahaha!).

Whirlochre said...

In the back of my mind, I'm holding out for the kind of inspired magic that transformed Engelbert Humperdinck from an obvious tosser to the love of many deluded harridans' lives. Something like, I print out my first draft, it spawns a cover, replicates itself like benevolent bacteria and teleports the copies to the book stores of the world.

Failing that, there's always the revisions, yeah...

writtenwyrdd said...

Well, saying it's a done manuscript just because you type The End is like going out and buying all the supplies to paint the Mona Lisa and then considering the work done. *makes cracking whip noise*

Hope you are enjoying the return to sunlight anyhow, though. Care to give us another peek at some of the writing?

Whirlochre said...

Hey WW — regular snippets will appear in the WIPometer window, and who knows, by the time I'm finished I may end up previewing the whole book.

As for whipcrack noises — how do you do that?