Thursday, September 4, 2008

We're All Ready To Go


Let Joy be unconfined! Let Julian be untethered! ‘Tis the long-awaited Voice Swap Thang!


At last — the cream of the world’s bloggers read aloud from each others’ work, dressed as pirates.

For further details on this and the latest in Welsh sofa chic, head on over to Robin’s blog, here.

Thanks to the miraculous workings of the Hilarity Hat, I’ve been paired up with Sylvia, who’s handwritten blog resides here.





What can I say? This was such a treat to read and I hope I’ve done it justice. I’m not sure how you intended it to go, Sylvia, but this is my take on it. If I’ve mangled it to death, then I owe you a forfeit — though preferably not one involving insects and my naked body lowered two hundred feet below the sea in a sealed sarcophagus. In an ideal world, I would have rendered this in an authentic Dallas accent, but as it’s been years since I heard J.R. Ewing (let alone rode him), I ended up sounding like a risibly generic cowboy and ditched the drawl. I am to American accents what Dick van Dyke was to the cockney rhyming slang in Mary Paw-pins.

Whoops — that pirate thing was for something else wasn’t it?

56 comments:

pacatrue said...

Ooh, author interviews the character. I wrote one of those once, too.

Enjoyable.

Whirlochre said...

Hi Paca.

It's great, isn't it?

I particularly like the vodka and diet coke section.

Just time to fit in a 0/10 on your trivia quiz before I don my economy fodder apparel...

sylvia said...

OH ARGH!

I just put mine up and you read SO well and now I want to take mine back.

I am not very good at reading aloud - I have a note from my kindergarden teacher complaining about it, actually.

I love how you read it and Joan is just perfect.

I wish I could have done yours justice.

Cliff said...

Brilliant reading. You really brought the tale to life. I assume Joan must come from Dallas, Greater Manchester though. :)

Whirlochre said...

What tremendous fun this is. I feel like I'm on the escalator of a giant shopping mall dressed in ladies' underwear and a ring of invisibility.

Glad it worked, Sylvia. I'm heading over to your notebook in a mo.

And, welcome, Cliff. Shame Joan didn't tell the author she dated Liam Gallagher — could've made for a nice romantic scene.

Robin S. said...

Wow -this is fantastic - you already know I love your voice. I'm at work right now - and a friend of mine (5'9, natural blonde, late twenties, extremely bright and gorgeous) just popped one of my earphones in and listened for a but and then said,
"Is this guy your friend? Um, can you introduce me?"

So there, Whirl, you dashing-voice'd thang, you.

P.S. I love this piece of writing, Sylvia!

Whirlochre said...

5'9, natural blonde, late twenties, extremely bright and gorgeous

Hey — could have been me if fate had rearranged my chromosomes in a slightly different order.

Natalie said...

Love it, what a great little tale. Poor boring Joan. It's always a good day when Whirl posts another voice clip.

Kiersten said...

Well, Whirl, for all we know, she WAS you...

Sylvia, this writing was GREAT. So entertaining.

And Whirl, what more can I say about your voice...

I love it.

That's all.

Kiersten said...

Here is an exact transcript of a chat between Natalie and me this morning...

Kiersten
and Whirl...man, that guy is SO good
Natalie
I know
Kiersten
I guess he used to be an actor and do improv and stuff
so it makes sense
natalie
oh really?
didn't know that
Kiersten
Well, unless he was lying
but I think those tidbits were true
natalie
HAHA
yeah, his voice is freaking sexy
if James was british...
Kiersten
lol
See, I don't think it's sexy so much as charming
natalie
well, there's the difference between us
subtle twin differences
clearly I'm the trouble
Kiersten
I'm totally going to post this exchange in his comments...
natalie
ack

Kiersten said...

Natalie's the rascal. Let's just get that established right now. Of course, now she's probably your favorite. I'll just go pout.

What an unlikely fan club we are.

Natalie said...

Sorry about the gazebo. We'll warn you next time...maybe.

Whirlochre said...

So that's why that jet of flames whooshed out of my ear this afternoon and took out my gazebo.

Why, you rascals.

Whirlochre said...

You're all my favourites.

(Charm).

Kiersten said...

See? Told you, Natalie.

Whirlochre said...

Hey, K — are we timing this pout of yours in minutes or measuring it in yards?

Natalie said...

Pshhh, whatever, Kierst:P

Kiersten said...

My pouts are measured in pounds, actually.

Kiersten said...

Or was it litres? I forget.

Maybe gallons?

Natalie said...

I'd go with deciliters, she's really broke up about this.

Kiersten said...

Well, let's face it. Natalie's voice is sultry...Whirl is charming or sexy, depending on who you ask...I just sound like a little girl.

Your two disembodied voices probably belong together.

Whirlochre said...

Just had to let in some bloke to read the gas meter.

'Can you hurry it up?,' I said, as he shone his torch into the cupboard under the stairs. 'I have a Mormon mommy crisis to attend to — and my life could be in jeopardy...'

Kiersten said...

Oh, I love British vocabulary...a torch brings to my mind a large, burning stick.

Which the gas man really SHOULD NOT be using.

And don't worry, we wouldn't kill you. The whole ten commandments thing, remember?

Whirlochre said...

K — it's true you could probably shatter glass singing soprano, but I don't get the little girl thing at all. In your latest incarnation, your voice sounds incisive and gritty.

Kiersten said...

Gritty, huh? That's new...

And alas, I am very much an alto. Those high notes kill me.

Whirlochre said...

Hmm. But I don't see 'Thou shalt not dismember with the blunt spine of an old thesaurus'...

Kiersten said...

There are always loopholes.

However, in spite of how I may seem online, I actually shy away from confrontation. Natalie would win by default.

Natalie said...

Yeah, torch, totally threw me. What a dangerous thing to carry around gas. I might go after him if he kills the sexy/charming voice.

Gritty, ha. Kiersten's so gritty, you don't even know.

Whirlochre said...

Yes — I sense something very 'closet black belt kung fu' about that girl.

Anyhow — I've got to go and fling some rosemary at a trayful of spuds...

Whirlochre said...

Whoops — bad time to speculate about the kung fu...

Kiersten said...

Four Feet, Eleven Inches of Fury.

That's me.

But are you serving kitty food with the potatoes? Because if that's the case, I'd go with something other than rosemary.

Natalie said...

Formal training: Ninja Geisha

I just write to drown out the stress of my real job.

Whirlochre said...

Nope — Geoff's scoffed all the cat munch.

Kiersten said...

Selfish cat.

I think Natalie will be the villain in my next book...

Or maybe Geoff. I haven't decided yet.

Natalie said...

Kiersten taught me how to use the bo staff tho. I was lost on the bo staff before.

Robin S. said...

Well, Whirl, no getting too tired to talk when I get home from work, OK?

You girls are so bad...(I love it!)

Kiersten said...

Whirl brings out the best/worst in us. What can we say.

And actually, Natalie, it's the nunchucks I know how to use. I never got around to bo staff.

The more I think about it, the more I like Geoff as my next villain. You only THINK (s)he's a cat...

sylvia said...

It's just not fair.

You guys get ninja geishas and cats and Mormon mommies and torch-wielding engineers.

I get Joan.

This is why I drink.

Natalie said...

Ah see, Sylvia, we don't drink. So really, we're even:)

Robin S. said...

Oh, Syl. I thought you drank for the reason I drink. I love white wine. Well, I love canned Diet Coke, too, but it doesn't give me the happies.

One glass will usually do me, but sometimes two. If I'm miffed, or extra happy.

Or if Joan's around.

Oh.

I see what you mean.

Kiersten said...

Yes, but do you drink diet coke and vodka?

McKoala said...

What a jewel of story. Masterfully read, once again. You really have the knack of timing WO.

I have a word for Kiersten and Natalie. Ready?

Queue

Whirlochre said...

Truly, this is Planet Kick Ass...

Kiersten said...

I know, Whirl, you're just soaking up the feminine adulation, aren't you?

And it's okay, McK. Natalie's my best friend. I can share. Besides, I'm not interested in Whirl that way. Can't speak for Natalie though...

Whirlochre said...

I was thinking of a Ninja bo stick showdown in a soda bar.

McKoala said...

What way? Why, Kiersten!

I was merely giving you another British word to chew upon...

pacatrue said...

Are you really up near Manchester, WO? I had you pegged as a wonderful SBE, in the lingo, Southern British English, not quite Received Punctuation... shows you how badly my dialectology is, I assume.

Whirlochre said...

Paca — you're right that I do sound like a Southerner compared to maost round my way, but Manc is too far North. I'm slap bang in the middle, just a stone's throw from where Richard III bit the big one.

Kiersten said...

lol, McK. I'm actually very familiar with queue; not as funny as torch. But last night I got to worrying that maybe you were saying queue as in, "I knew Whirl first, get in line!" and I had been disrespectful. So I'm glad I wasn't "on your turf" or whatever an American teenager would say. All up in your grill or some other such nonsense.

And Whirl, soda bars are so last year.

JaneyV said...

Sylvia - what a treat of a story. There is a huge seed of boring Joan within me and I feel her longing for a more interesting life! Terrific.

Whirl man - what can I say? Thank you for not going all Sue Ellen on us because your Joan was just about perfect.

What do American's call a torch?

Oh and Vodka is the devil's drink. I like my white wine too …oooh and margaritas when I'm feeling all Salsa - but not together - never together!

Flashlight!! I just remembered.

Whirlochre said...

Too right, JV — when the aliens arrive and turn aside each and every one of our nukes with a flick of their chitinous carapaces, we'll reach for the vodka well in advance of the chemical weapons. It's shite.

Julie Weathers said...

Oh, my gosh that was wonderful. I am just delighted to hear this and to hear it recited so dramatically.

Good job to both of you.

Whirlochre said...

Thanks for dropping by, Julie.

sylvia said...

I came back just to listen again.

<3 Whirlochre.

Mary said...

Wonderful.

Congrats to both!! Lovely words and lovely voice.

fairyhedgehog said...

Oh this was wonderful! I love the breathy voice you gave Joan and I love the story. It had me laughing out loud.