Thursday, September 25, 2008

Arghh! Arghh! Arghhh!!


There must be a word to describe, specifically, the profound sense of regret I feel about having left a post about a potato — a fucking potato — live and kicking on my blog for well over a week.


This is supposed to be a vaguely writerly site, right? Not a repository for spurious vegetable photographs and lurid descriptions thereof.

I can only presume that my descent into tuber enthusiasm and subsequent silence must have something to do with the progress I’m making (albeit unregistered in the current WIPometer word count) on the Novel That Ought To Be Writing Itself By Now, But Instead Squelches Around The Cusp Of A Rubicon Like Pus Being Spooned Back Into A Popped Boil By An Octopus.

Do I sound negative?

Not at all. I’m simply taking time out from a very pleasant eureka moment to confirm that blood still pulses in my veins, occasionally reaching my brain at those critical moments when I have to get dressed, feed myself, and wrestle unsolicited callers to the doorstep with a sequence of expertly frenzied half-nelsons.

That part of the plot goes with that! So obvious, you imbecile.

I can get threading verbs onto nouns again.

30 comments:

JaneyV said...

But Instead Squelches Around The Cusp Of A Rubicon Like Pus Being Spooned Back Into A Popped Boil By An Octopus.

Nice!

And I can empathise completely. My WIP has stalled. I think it might have fallen into a vat of liquid nitrogen and I dare not touch it lest it shatter into a million pieces. I'm waiting for a thaw.

I liked Conan. There's always a place for humorous shaped vegetation in Blogland.

Glad the threading abounds!

Natalie said...

Yay! A post! I'm not going to lie, I was starting to miss your wildly random humor.

writtenwyrdd said...

Well, you wrote some spiffy stuff in the Conan commentary. Glad the book is progressing nicely.

Whirlochre said...

Spiffy?

Hey — since I posted, I've churned out a couple of honking paragraphs.

And there's still a load of beetroot to be dug up.

JaneyV said...

I Love beetroot. It's a superfood you know.

Whirlochre said...

Somewhere, I have a recipe for cold lime and beetroot soup. Great for staining your clothes.

Kiersten said...

I'm always looking for new recipes to stain my clothes.

And you're forgiven, Whirl, since you are making progress, because as much as we love your blog, we'll love getting to buy your book even more.

That being said, don't be too quiet, okay? We miss you.

JaneyV said...

I am a big fan of old-fashioned staining!

Whirlochre said...

Janey — I'll check you out at the next Heinz Ketchup Squirting Festival.

And if I ever get to the book stage, I'll mail you a free copy, Kiersten. Save all your hard-earned dosh for candy — or cloths.

Shona Snowden said...

I thought it was just a case of potato man love.

Whirlochre said...

Shona

Just realised your avatar is a seal and not a funny ET-type alien.

writtenwyrdd said...

Old-fashioned stain fans unite!

Whirl, you need to write a new recipe post with the lime and beet soup. I love beets and I especially love pickled beets and boiled eggs one lets pickle in their juice afterwards. Then there's the mahem-inspired red splotches all over the whiteness of my kitchen!

Whirlochre said...

Anyone needing the beetroot recipe, email me.

For red splotches in the kitchen, I'll be round soon enough with Heston Blumenthal nailed to an aga — and a chainsaw...

freddie said...

I liked Conan. I thought the post was funny.

Glad to hear your WIP is still in progress. Which is more than can be said for mine.

Robin S. said...

So 'hurry up slowly' and finish that novel!

I can't wait to see that puppy in print.

Mary said...

Happy writing!

PS. How is Conan? I hope he’s not languishing in the biscuit tin.

Whirlochre said...

Interestingly, Conan is as yet unnibbled.

Most of the crop he sprang from, I've already eaten, and in spite of them being incredibly warty, they tasted delicious.

So — unless he gets consumed within the next couple of days, the scope is on for a competition.

You supply the theme/idea for a 2nd photograph, and I'll take a snap of the most amusing/do-able.

NB: If he gets consumed in the meantime, I may have to substitute another comedy vegetable.

On the novel front, I was hoping to hack away at one of my meatier chapters today, but I had an invitation to go and see Sri Lankan storyteller, Debbie Guneratne, so I spent the afternoon listening to naga stories instead. Creepy.

writtenwyrdd said...

I think Conan looks like its doing the pee pee dance. Maybe in front of a bathroom out of order sign???

Natalie said...

I'd like to see Conan as a ninja.

Whirlochre said...

This is all sounding good, folks. Keep 'em coming in...

Kiersten said...

Well, clearly Conan, too, is working on his breakout novel.

Whirlochre said...

To be honest, I think he's just looking for the camera

Kiersten said...

Is he a fashion model? I could totally see him in haute couture. Even though I don't even know what haute couture is, or if I spelled it correctly.

Kiersten said...

Come to think of it, now that I look closer, I'm pretty sure Conan was in the bed next to me in post-op. He was moaning in pain VERY loudly and it was obnoxious. As to what kind of surgery he had, well, I didn't ask.

Whirlochre said...

Haute couture, Kiersten, is the name given to those small nibbles you have before meals in posh restaurants.

As for Conan's op — I think he was having his eyes removed.

McKoala said...

No, no! That's a vomit position if I ever saw one. The old hand over the stomach, starting to lean over the pan... Conan's dinner disagreed wit him.

Whirlochre said...

All those months Conan has spent buried beneath the soil developing his idiosyncratic musculature, and now it comes to this.

ChrisEldin said...

I totally missed the tuber. But you made me think of one of my very first posts--it was a spud-smashing machine. Maybe a spud gun? It helped with dinner....
I might repost this in your honor.
:-)

ChrisEldin said...

EW! Nevermind! I didn't miss it! I thought that was a fungus.

You should be thrashed.
:-)

Whirlochre said...

I should.