Monday, June 16, 2008

Heliotrope Hurl


We love them, but they have to die.


"His skin roared with the goosebump prickle of a downtrodden fifty year-old housewife gyrating onstage with her teenage heart-throb in her sexiest underwired bra."

This one's currently on Death Row, pending execution.

44 comments:

Kiersten said...

I'm troubled by the ambiguity. Is the person she's gyrating with her heartthrob from high school, meaning he is also middle-aged now, or does she have a crush on an actual teenage heartthrob? Because, gross.

At least it will live on in infamy on the blog. Rest in peace, odd description.

Whirlochre said...

You're sharp as a button, K. Sharper in fact — if I owned a pair of jeans with a K button at the top I'd lose a finger every time I got dressed.

In context (a swamp of purple, hence the cut) it's all about the 'he' character, and this is very much an aside. I was thinking along the lines of Donny Osmond or David Cassidy and their (now) ageing fans. My mum went to see Rod Stewart once and never recovered — but then again, neither did he.

I was just about to post something new up, but I thinl I'll stay here for a while. Go with the sparkly-eyed gravel-voiced ridiculously-coiffured Scottish pop legend zeitgeist.

But no. K...A falshing icon tells me you've just left a comment. Either that or WWIII has started.

Kiersten said...

Whoops, was I supposed to stay here?

Oh, Donny...still hot in Utah. Inexplicably.

Kiersten said...

Also, could you blame me for taking off fingers? Existence as a button would be terribly dull. I'm afraid I'd turn bitter.

Whirlochre said...

Nope.

It was your comment from 10 mins ago — the first one in this trail.

Lucky, I suppose. If it had been an announcement about the start of WWIII, I'd have snuffed it 5 minutes ago and never got round to any kind of Rod Stewart Zeitgeist.

So, that's it, then.

I am destined to reflect on Rod Stewart's lively, if crap, career for at leat the next few minutes.

Personally, I'll never forget The First Cot Is The Deepest. Such a poignant song and a testament to Rod's particular brand of genius.

No, wait...I think it is WWIII this time.

Are you here, K?

Kiersten said...

As much as I'm ever anywhere.

Whirlochre said...

Nope. She's gone again — corrupted by mention of Donny Osmond (as was he).

Here's a thought. When RS finally pops his clogs, I wonder if the same person who stole Einstein's brain will try to make off with Stewart's vocal cords? A fine Homonculus Starter Kit that would make.

"Builds week by week into a disgusting assemblage of limbs and organs that will astound, amaze and then mutilate family and friends."

Kiersten said...

All of those old rockers give me the creeps.

Especially when you hear stories about them. Yikes.

And no, still hanging around. You just have comment moderation on, so you don't notice ; )

But I'm also entertaining the kids, feeding them, cleaning the kitchen, listening to pandora, and pondering the meaning of life. Except that last one. Mostly I'm just hanging out.

Whirlochre said...

Wake up Maggie I think I got something to say to you
Its late September, but elsewhere in the Universe it's probably June.
I know I keep you amused but my brain's exposed and easily bruised.
Oh Maggie I wish I hadn't
ripped your ears off...

Kiersten said...

Unfamiliar as I am with Rod Stewart, somehow I think those are an improvement on his lyrics.

My husband was singing karaoke the other night, and narrated The Return of the Jedi instead of singing the actual words. My favorite line was:

"Your friends on the moon will be crushed, said the Emporer. Little did he know there were teddy bears on speeders."

A close second was the emotionally sung line, "Then Darth Vader got mad, because he's Luke's dad."

Life is more entertaining with Hot Stuff around.

Kiersten said...

What the...is comment moderation off?

Whirlochre said...

Yes.

I figured there was an unfunctional hiatus.

When it's your own blog, the seeming instantaneousness doesn't happen.

Whirlochre said...

Somewhere in the universe, unfamiliarity with Rod's lyrics is grounds for instant extermination.

Thankfully, not on earth — or all his wives would have been buggered.

Kiersten said...

Tis true.

I had no idea Rod was Irish. I've found I automatically like bands better when I find out they are Irish or Scottish. British helps, too, but not quite as much.

Suppose I'm racist.

Kiersten said...

I'm guessing anyone married to him was anyway.

Whirlochre said...

No, just sensible.

Actually, I've been checking on a few Rod facts as I've gone along. According to Wikipedia (!), he was born in London, so it may be that his Scottish-hood is down to his parents rather than having been born on a windswept heath. Ian Anderson from Tull tried to pull a similar trick, I think.

Can't think of any Irish bands for the moment other than U2,The Pogues and Blimey O Rourke's Midnight Runners.

Whirlochre said...

Abysswinksback — your Number 1 Stop for dissing Rod Stewart's wives.

Let's stop talking about Rod Stewart.

Kiersten said...

Good, because I have nothing further to say.

In fact...both of the kids are down for naptime. And my bed is singing the siren song of sweet oblivion...

I'll have to post soon on my overriding obsession with sleep. It breaks my heart to waste this unmoderated comment time, but alas, I'm powerless in the face of an opportunity for unconciousness.

Kiersten said...

Snow Patrol has some Irish members.

Okay, I guess British is just as high in my band esteem ratings.

Whirlochre said...

That's the trouble with unconsciousness.

Have fun.

Kiersten said...

Will do. Sorry to abandon you for dreamland.

Whirlochre said...

Ah — I thought you'd gone away to snuggle up with Morpheus.

I always thought Snow Patrol was some sort of Alaskan emergency task force, but there you go.

Whirlochre said...

It's a shame there isn't this conversational delay in movies.

Whirlochre said...

Duck, you sucker.

Whirlochre said...

C'mon, Tonto, let's see what's behind this wagon full of stolen looking gold...

Whirlochre said...

Whinney

Whirlochre said...

I think I may have deleted your last comment by accident as I flitted between comment moderation and a huge lump of supper.

If you're still hanging out (I think that's what you said), I'm here for a few more mins.

Whirlochre said...

Nope. Looks like I'm eating this buttered pikelet alone...

Kiersten said...

Sorry, WO, that comment had been sent before you turned off moderation.

Delayed conversation in real life is horribly frustrating. Long distance phone calls through computers come to mind.

Kiersten said...

What the...who sent all of these sheep?

Someone had better clean this mess up. I'm going to bed.

Whirlochre said...

Milk-laden Jersey cows are a slumberer's dream, gently massaging your forehead with the tips of their udders as they vault oe'er head.

Not as fluffy and cuddly if they fall out of the air, however.

Kiersten said...

So last night I dreampt I saw a television special on Rod Stewart. "Oh," thought I, "Now I can have an actual conversation and know what I am talking about!"

I am just grateful that I hadn't read your last post before bed. I shudder at the horror of udders. At least that didn't seep into my subconscience.

Whirlochre said...

Could have been worse — I nearly went with octupi.

Kiersten said...

Blogger is being udderly horrible today. This may be a repeat, but I'd probably prefer octopi to udders.

Whirlochre said...

I prefer octupi to udders
I love my 8-tentacled brudders
As I sail into sleep
in my boat in a heap
those propellers are better than rudders.

Kiersten said...

lol.

I think that deserves a post of its own.

Whirlochre said...

Thanks — it's been an undersea kind of a day.

Kiersten said...

Those are generally the best ones.

Whirlochre said...

Depends on the angler fish. If they smell pizza on you, they can follow you around for miles.

I need feeding — and a whole cupboard of instant noodles awaits.

Kiersten said...

That's kind of sad.

Enjoy. If possible.

ChrisEldin said...

LOL! I can't not say hi after reading the conversation....
:-)

Whirlochre said...

Hi Chris.

Your rhinocular buttocks are always welcome.

Robin S. said...

Wow - 42 comments! I skipped right to the bottom to find out what the hell was going on.

And I now have persued the beginning ten and I say again. Wow.

Wish I'd been here to participate!

Kiersten said...

Don't feel bad, Robin. Neither one of us knew what was going on, either.