Monday, April 14, 2008

There's An Englishman, A Scotsman And An Irishman—4,793 Camels And A Masseuse... 2

A horse goes into a bar.

The barman says, ‘why the long face?’

‘Because I’m a horse,’ replies the horse.

‘Yeah. I can see that. But why the long face?’

‘Look. It’s been a hard day. Can I just have a beer?’

‘Hang on a minute,’ says the barman, setting down a half-polished glass. ‘So, let me get this right. Are you implying that your obvious emotional discomfort is merely a product of your anatomical structure and not, as most people believe, an external manifestation of your essence or spirit finding momentary expression upon an otherwise blank―and in your case, equine―canvas?’

‘No. I just want a beer, thanks.’

‘Phew. For a moment there, you had me worried. In the narrow nightmare world I thought you were suggesting, there could be no possibility of happiness for a whole range of species, and millions of animals―from pugs to angler fish to bulldogs―would have to be humanely put down to spare them the anguish of their evolutionary shackles.’

‘Maybe. Now, about that beer―’

‘The question is―who would be prepared to administer the cull? To forage around in the Mariana Trench for angler fish on what would almost certainly be a pretty miserable salary? And what sensible Government would be prepared to risk electoral defeat by enforcing the required legislation? Or raising the taxes? Even if we assume such an enterprise was financially viable, there’s no guarantee any of the species concerned would be spared for definite; that one or two individuals wouldn’t survive to breed, thereby perpetuating the misery.’

‘You’re probably right. Now, about that―’

‘There’s a whole minefield of contentious political arguments here, and much as I’d like no more than to stand here all day debating the various issues with you over a pint and a bag of crisps, I’ve got a business to run. So, what’ll you have?’

‘Half a bitter please.’

‘We don’t serve horses, mate. Fuck off.’


writtenwyrdd said...

you might try submitting this one. I think a short short bit of humor like this is publishable.

Kiersten said...

I like this one even better than the chicken crossing the road.

Are bars really this interesting? Maybe I'll have to hang out in one just for the philosophical/political discussion.