Sunday, April 6, 2008

There's An Englishman, A Scotsman And An Irishman—4,793 Camels And A Masseuse...

‘So - why do you call your dog Isaiah?’

‘Because one eye’s ‘igher than the other.’

‘Are you sure? Let me just measure him with this ruler. If what you say is true, each of his eyes should be equidistant from the corresponding ear, and also his nose. So let’s see. Right eye to right ear...8.3cm. Left eye to left ear...8.4cm. OK, it’s a millimetre out but I’m happy with that as a reasonable margin for error if you are. I don’t think the two measurements are sufficiently different to warrant the dog’s name: you just wouldn’t be able to tell from a distance. So what about the nose? Let’s see. Right eye to nose...9.7cm. And, again on the left...9.7cm exactly. So - both of his eyes are more or less symmetrical. And...yup...more or less the same size...side to side...and top to bottom. I do, however, concede that he does look a little lopsided. Wait a minute. I think it’s his neck. Yes. That’s it. Look - his head is tilted slightly over to the left, giving the impression that his right eye is higher up on his face than the left. So, in a funny way, you’re kind of right to call him Isaiah, because there is a marked difference to the observer, but as far as his actual physical features are concerned, it’s not a technically accurate name. You should’ve called him Wonky Bastard.’

‘I would have—but that’s the name of my other dog.’

1 comment:

fairyhedgehog said...

Oh my word, Whirlochre, you have the best post titles in the world!