Sunday, April 20, 2008

Directly Outside 2



Directly outside my window, a small alien vessel has crash-landed in my garden, destroying my gazebo.


Smoke spirals from its bronze hull, and through a porthole half-buried beneath the crumpled turf, I can see a tiny yellow creature slipping its head into a conical helmet.

Funny, but ever since Close Encounters and Alien, my emergency 23-point strategy for dealing with invaders from other worlds has been to ensure that I’m never more than thirty feet away from a bug-eye busting bucket of salt and continually ready to assume a poised karate crouch at the first hint of slurping ― particularly in the presence of fully extended hydraulic internal mandibles.

A little yellow guy, I’m not ready for.

Too late. He’s opened the porthole and he’s out, scanning my garden furniture with what looks to be an iPod. No, wait a minute, it’s not a scanner — it’s a blaster of some sort. A purple beam has just shot out of it and now the surface of the table is bubbling like a pizza and the chair legs are buckling. I’m not sure why, but he’s melting everything.

Maybe he needs it for fuel ― or glue to fix his ship. Or maybe this is his way of saying hello: some bizarre language.

What a weird little fellah. He’s barely a foot tall, and apart from his melty thing, I can’t see anything resembling a weapon. I wave at him from the window but he doesn’t see me. He’s just scooping around in the molten plastic with a long rubbery ladle, like he was stirring soup. Maybe that’s it. Maybe he’s hungry.

Now he’s got his iPod out again and he’s pointing it at the pool of plastic. Swirls are appearing, like it was a whirlpool ― and he’s just jumped in. It’s still swirling round, but he’s completely vanished.

Beats hanging around waiting to be towed away, I suppose.


A fire rages inside the cabin of his craft and it sounds as if someone has called the fire brigade. I really I ought to go down there and help out; explain what I’ve just seen ― but I’m trapped in this place. Doomed only to witness as the world spins by, directly outside...


3 comments:

blogless troll said...

I've fallen down a rabbit hole and found that I am home. I hope you have more of this stuff. I'll be checking.

Also, unless you're philosophically disinclined to do so, could you turn the feeds on please? Then I can add you to my reader, and Google can keep track of me keeping track of you.

blogless troll said...

My sincerest apologies, but I have to tag you.

Fate of the world and all that.

writtenwyrdd said...

Whirlochre, I've been checking to see if you'd finally started a blog and lo! you have. Glad to see it. Keep being the hilarious dude that you are.